Speaking the Same Language

Monday, March 2, 2009 2 comments
Yesterday, I finished The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I'd heard a lot about it and we even talked about it in my high school health class (why, I'm not really certain). I was excited to read it and see if it could maybe help me understand how to love Shawn (and others) the way he needs to be loved - instead of the ways I like to be loved. Just because something makes me feel loved, that doesn't mean others will be loved the same way.

The Five Love Languages are:
~ Acts of Service
~ Receiving Gifts
~ Physical Touch
~ Words of Affirmation
~ Quality Time

Want to know what mine are?

*** Drumroll, please ***
~ Receiving Gifts (this one could spell trouble - hehe!)
I knew this was mine almost immediately after reading that you could tell what yours are by the way you treat others. I enjoy buying things for people and giving them gifts for no apparent reason. To that effect - I also like when Shawn surprises me by getting me flowers or leaving me notes unexpectedly. I don't need expensive gifts - just an e-mail or something to know that I am being thought about. I also read that often, people who enjoy receiving gifts also have an "unusual" attachment to things they have been given. That was also a huge clue that this was my primary love language. Shawn always makes fun of me when I become upset that a gift I have gotten has been broken or is nowhere to be found.

Receiving Gifts doesn't necessarily mean something that comes in a package or something that you can even see. It also means, having someone be there for you when you are going through something troubling or stressful. This is also something that is very important to me (even though, sometimes, I do enjoy being left alone). I just like visible signs that someone is thinking of me and that they care about me.
~ Acts of Service (this was one of Shawn's too)
This one is pretty self-explanatory. I knew this was one of mine without any hesitation. It's often pretty similar to Receiving Gifts in my opinion. I enjoy doing things for others, but I also enjoy when people are willing to help me (without complaint). However, Mr. Chapman does warn that not everyone enjoys the same Acts of Service. I will have to work on figuring out what it is Shawn likes to have done for him (well, cooking for him is a given - hehe).
Most people have one "main" love language and a "secondary" one. And, usually, we love others the way we enjoy being shown we are loved. Aside from taking the test, that's the easiest way to tell what your love language is (at least, that was the case for me).
Needless to say, I really enjoyed this book and found it very interesting. Shawn & I both took the test, so now we both know what our Love Languages are. I am excited to put them into practice.

Here are a few quotes from the book that I found interesting:
* "Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another... I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. That kind of love requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort you too will find a sense of satisfaction - the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another."
* "If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other's desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants."

What do you think yours are?


  • Davesgirl said...

    Great insights! I really love how motivated you are to grow!! Shawn is really blessed!!!!!

    Ummm... I think mine is words of affirmation? I am not sure though. I asked Dave what mine was and he couldn't figure it out, so I guess we should go read the book again! ;) Hmmmmm.... :)He did notice that I really love him lots when I see him carrying the laundry basket down for him, so acts of service might be it.

    I think Dave's is ...well, I guess I better go read that book again :) No, he he he... I think it is words of affirmation too.

  • prov3130grl said...

    i think maybe i've missed school as well as writing... i really enjoy learning and trying to improve.
    i think you might be able to take the love language test online...

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