It's Harder Than I Thought...

Monday, August 15, 2011 1 comments
... to be here while my best friend and my entire family are in Mexico. It wasn't a big deal the first few days because I was so wrapped up in school. But, today? I had nothing... and it was LightShine. And, once again, I have missed an opportunity to meet the sweet little girl we sponsor. My heart is heavy, thinking about her an wondering what she is like.

I'm ok with not being there, but I still don't know why God hasn't decided to use me in Mexico. I know He uses me here. I know I can do things for Him right where I am. I just long to be used there.

It's not as hard as it used to be, but it still hurts. It hurts to think that I may never see Reyna's face, that I may never get to hug her and tell her in person how much I love her, to let her know I pray for her and long for her to know Jesus as her Savior.

I know I go through this every time a group goes to Mexico, but this year I really had more of a peace about it. I still do - it's just hearing about LightShine that gets me every time. It's the people asking me why I "don't want want to go to Mexico" - which is the furthest thing from the truth. It's the questions about when I am going that hurt my heart...

I may sound selfish here (and, maybe I am on some level), but I really do pray for everyone down there. That God will show how powerful He is and make Himself real to them. Just so you know...

Next year doesn't seem like a possibility either. Is this going to get easier? I guess I'm just going to have to keep praying for some day.


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