because, apparently, that's what we thrive on around here. This always leads to lots of (mostly unnecessary) stress and tears for me.
We're definitely set to help with CrossCurrent in the fall. Initially, I was very excited about this. Ok, I still am. But, as it gets closer - I am getting more and more nervous. That I won't do a good job. That I won't impact one. That I won't know what to do or say. That they won't like me I worry about these things. I always have. While I don't necessarily care what everyone thinks about me - there are people I want to "impress" (for lack of a better word). I want to be liked and I want to do something in their lives. Rather, I want God to do something in their lives and I want to be used by Him.
I'm hoping to go back to school in November (for counseling in youth ministry). So far, money is a big issue - as always. We aren't extravagant with our money and we're not living beyond our means, but we really don't need one more thing to pay for. It's something I really want to do and I honestly thought I would never figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Besides be a wife and (one day) a mom. I miss school and I'm really interested in this. But, I'm trying not to get too hopeful in case it doesn't work out.
I'll be back to girl's Bible study in the fall (when we can all find some time that works for us). We're going to be reading Set Apart Feminity by Leslie Ludy. I am excited and I am determined to put a lot more work into it than I did this past year. (Sorry, girls - I was a bit preoccupied.)
Shawn is going to be back to working with Battalion and I know he's excited about it. I am trying to be. I am unsure of how all this busyness is going to affect us. Even though I know we see each other a lot, I feel like we don't get a lot of quality time. I love Wednesday night Bible study, but add to that: his crazy work schedule of 4 days a week, me going back to school, Cross Current every other Friday, GaP occasionally (when we can make it), Bible study every Sunday afternoon or night, small groups the first Sunday of every month, and Cross Current meetings the second Sunday of every month - and I am already feeling overwhelmed.
I don't want us to crash and burn. No, I know it's not that drastic. I think once we figure out another routine, it will be ok. I'm hoping we haven't taken on too much. We didn't make any of these decisions hastily, so I'm not as worried as I would normally be. I feel like God brought us all of these opportunities for a reason, but I'm wondering if He was a little crazy and/or forgot who I am and what my personality is?
Shawn works night the next 2 weeks (well, 2 more nights this week) and I always seem to fall apart when he is gone. I think about things too much, because I run out of things to do. I don't like being alone so much, and this is partly why (besides not enjoying the nighttime noises). I am lonely and feeling overwhelmed. I know I shouldn't whine and complain. Really, I'm not - it's just the facts and it's something I'm desperately trying to work on. He works hard for a reason and I am greatful for that.