Anyway, while I was running, a song that I haven't heard in awhile started to play. I'll let you see the lyrics before I talk more about it:
Come Home by Overflow
All my hopes and dreams came true today.
My life wont be the same.
You opened up my eyes and let the healing begin.
You brought me hope within.
You took away the chains that once held me down.
Now I can hear You say...
Come home, come home.
You're calling me into Your arms.
I've been gone for so long.
I can hear You calling out my name.
I can't believe how much You sacrificed.
You chose death to give me life
I wont cry for myself anymore.
I've found what I've been looking for.
You were with me all this time.
You've been watching me for so long
I can hear You calling out my name,
"I've been waiting, anticipating, patiently waiting for you."
I had forgotten about this song, but God knew just what I needed to hear (as He always does). Lately, I've really been struggling with not fully trusting God for everything - as some of you may or may not know. In my struggles, I have kind of been pushing God away. I have almost - maybe - gotten "back on track." At least, that's what I like to think - I guess only time will tell. I have been running from Him and just stopped caring about, well, everything. I didn't really want anything to do with God for a little while. It wasn't that I didn't know He was in control - it was more things weren't going my way. And, I know how selfish that is.
However, because of a preacher on the radio (Mark Scott), Bible study on Sunday night where we talked about the Cross, and this song - I've kind of been trying to change the way I think about things. Mark Scott pointed out that, as soon as we start to question God's plans and the way we are thinking - Satan has an "instant in" to grab ahold of us and make us start thinking that God really doesn't know what He is doing. That, in itself, instantly opened my eyes. That was what I have been struggling with - and what I have been fighting (without even fully realizing it). He is also the reason I have been praying this almost constantly ~~> "I want to want more of You." I realized, me praying that I want more of God wasn't exactly true. Of course, sometimes, that is true - I genuinely want more of God. But, not lately. It's ok to be honest with God, and I think sometimes we forget that. We forget He knows our hearts and our minds - He knows when we don't really want Him.
Now, back to the song, I think this song fully displays the grace of God. No matter how far we've run, He always wants us near Him. Let's face it - we all run and there are always going to be times where we go back and forth. This song brings me to my knees pretty much every time I hear it. I can just picture God watching me and waiting for me with open arms - no matter how many times I go back and forth, walk away on purpose, and no matter how many times I have (and, inevitably, will) royally screw up.
Yes, I realize this is a ridiculously long post, but I hope someone gets something out of it...