Striving to Be a More Godly Woman

So Exciting!

2012-02-13T15:31:00.001-05:00

I am clearly a lousy blogger (not that many read this anyway), but I have a good reason. Most everyone knows this already, but I try to document the important things on here...

We found out on December 28th, that a baby is on the way!!! I am about 12 1/2 weeks along - and in 8 weeks, we can find out whether we're having a boy or a girl.

Shawn and I heard the heartbeat on Wednesday and so far everything is looking good - though I have had some awful "morning sickness" that lasts pretty much all day. Hopefully only 1 or 2 more weeks of that...

Christmas Card 2011

2011-11-10T18:45:00.001-05:00

So, I know it's ridiculously early to be talking about Christmas cards. I won a giveaway over at Picky Palate for 25 Shutterfly Christmas cards. Woo hoo!

If you post the card you made on your blog, you get $10 off your next purchase. I have a million pictures saved on my computer just waiting to be printed out. Definite win!

Stationery card

View the entire collection of cards.

P.S. Not sure why the card says The and family twice - it will not be on the actual card. Lol!

Aaron

2011-10-26T13:45:00.004-04:00

It is extremely hard to write this post, but as I don't really "journal" much anymore - this is all I have. Shawn and I lost a good friend a few days ago - and it's been a rough time.

I was inspired by a post I saw on Facebook, remembering Aaron and all he had meant to her (and to all of us).

Here's what I will remember:

~ his love and desire for the youth. I'm sure we were annoying and I know we got on his nerves a lot. But he took the time. He so wanted us to love God the way he did
~ if it hadn't been for Aaron, I'm not sure how I ever would have gotten to know Shawn better. He was always telling me how awesome (awesome was said a lot) Shawn was - like his little brother, he really knows what he's doing, he may be one of the few guys who has it all together and truly loves God, he's a good kid. on and on.
~ "The Wall"... that thing was awesome. That alone probably consisted of all the memories we could ever have with each other and with him

~ how he always encouraged me to keep following Jesus

~ how he wanted us all to always be friends and to stop treating each other the way we sometimes did. "Why can't you all just get along and love each other like Jesus?" Sadly, we are not all friends anymore. But, I'll forever hold those memories - they truly were some of the best times of my life.

~ how he told the truth. "Guys are jerks anyway. You're wasting your time" Bluntly, yes - but always out of love. Aaron kept me accountable and had no problem telling me that I was screwing things up. I hated it at the time, but looking back - he may have been one of the only ones who was truly honest with me. And, I'll always appreciate that about him.

~ he bought a 15 passenger van just so he could drive us all over... which brings up memories of Creation, concerts, dinners, movies, the Harbor, Teens Alive - anywhere and everywhere

~ one summer, I swear we were mostly all together every day

~ he let us all crash at his house almost every weekend. I have no idea how much pizza, junk food, and soda was consumed, but our parents would probably have had heart attacks

~ Aaron's box of cds with music none of us had ever heard of - very, very random

~ how he always made sure everyone (or, at least as many as possible) got included and involved

~ all of us girls (except maybe Kelly ;) were told "you're pretty cool for a white chick." Shawn now says that to me all the time - and when he said it the other day - oh man...

~ "You can't always get what you waaaaant" - any time we'd complain...

~ tie dye shirts and converses - he definitely passed that on to Shawn (much to my chagrin)

~ always being dropped off last and thankful that I lived near him so that I'd end up getting some time to talk to him. He was always willing to listen and to talk - always supportive, even when I didn't listen to what he had to say

~ his laugh

~ his wedding to Lauren = fun weekend

~ telling me (multiple times) not to let Shawn quit working for Mr. Blake

~ telling Shawn how he bet he'd hate going to school and being a nurse, so why bother

~ he was an usher in our wedding and breaking it to him that he had to wear a suit (but not a tux - never a tux ;)

There are many more - and I'm sure, after the service tomorrow night, I'll have more to add. Without Aaron, a lot of kids probably would have stopped coming to youth group - or never even have wanted to come. But, he made sure everyone got there - and encouraged more and more to come. He was so much fun and we all loved being around him.

He is one of the people who has impacted me the most. I am not sure I ever would have known how important being close to God really is. I might never have spent time with Shawn or had him as my best friend.

Aaron was just so awesome - and he will really be missed.

When I am discouraged...

2011-10-10T19:32:00.002-04:00

... I find it helpful to list some of the things for which I am thankful. Some days, like today, it is a little harder. But, when I see it in front of me - it's easier to realized how blessed I am. How much God has given me and how far He has brought me.

For today (because I still don't have the time to write about Deep Creek that was, oh, 3 months ago), here is my list:

~ breakfast with my mom and grandfather

~ time spent with a pretty great sister-in-law on Saturday (even though she didn't get home until late ;)

~ a husband who works hard to give me more than I really need

~ a friend who manages to encourage me all the way from Mexico

~ Wegmans (and the coffee shop that exists inside it)

~ going to the gym to run off some frustration

~ that Blogger has made itself faster in uploading pictures

and

~ for a niece who e-mails me just to say "hi" and to tell me that she misses me

I know there are always more things that I can (and probably should) be thankful for, but today that's what is on my mind...

"Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever..."

2011-09-01T22:16:00.000-04:00

I need to make some changes in my life. I feel like I say this all the time and it never happens - I either give up and/or am completely unmotivated. But, I am struggling here and I am not sure what else I can do EXCEPT change.

I have to do something. So, here's the plan. I don't really have anyone to keep me accountable for these things, but at least if there's a list I might look at it? That's my hope.

~ eat healthier (any suggestions for some healthy meals or snacks that actually taste good)

~ exercise at least 20-30 minutes per day (already basically failing at this)

~ join a gym (as soon as we have the extra money)

~ get rid of things clothes that I don't (or can't) use. I have too much "stuff"

~ wake up earlier - to do devotions, prepare for the day, and to exercise

~ make meals to freeze. We've been eating out too much and fast food has been making me feel pretty sick and gross. Plus, it'll be helpful once my next class starts

~ cut back on coffee and soda

~ if I can't be in Mexico, be on my knees for them - stop being so frustrated about it and just wait on God (it's getting easier)

~ make more time to "catch up" on friendships. How do people know I want to hear from or spend time with them if I don't make the effort?

~ make Sundays about GOD!!! Prepare my heart for worship before I get to church

~ encourage the teens at Cross Current. Find a way to reach them where they are

~ improve my prayer life. I discovered this summer how much prayer really does work (I'm sometimes a little late to catch on). (more about this later)

~ change my attitude about my job

~ spend time daily with God. Put down the book / turn off the computer / put phone far away / I don't really need to eat all the food I cook and bake anyway

~ take Libby for walks. It's one more way to get moving!

~ do what small "cosmetic" jobs that I can around the house

~ change my attitude and stop overthinking

This list is long and I'm sure it will grow. It is daunting, but I know that small steps can really mean a lot and get me in the habit of doing things. I'm 26 and, while I am busy, I usually have some extra time on my hands most days. I need to make these improvements now. For myself, for my marriage, for God, for our future children, and for all of my relationships.

It's Harder Than I Thought...

2011-08-15T22:06:00.005-04:00

... to be here while my best friend and my entire family are in Mexico. It wasn't a big deal the first few days because I was so wrapped up in school. But, today? I had nothing... and it was LightShine. And, once again, I have missed an opportunity to meet the sweet little girl we sponsor. My heart is heavy, thinking about her an wondering what she is like.

I'm ok with not being there, but I still don't know why God hasn't decided to use me in Mexico. I know He uses me here. I know I can do things for Him right where I am. I just long to be used there.

It's not as hard as it used to be, but it still hurts. It hurts to think that I may never see Reyna's face, that I may never get to hug her and tell her in person how much I love her, to let her know I pray for her and long for her to know Jesus as her Savior.

I know I go through this every time a group goes to Mexico, but this year I really had more of a peace about it. I still do - it's just hearing about LightShine that gets me every time. It's the people asking me why I "don't want want to go to Mexico" - which is the furthest thing from the truth. It's the questions about when I am going that hurt my heart...

I may sound selfish here (and, maybe I am on some level), but I really do pray for everyone down there. That God will show how powerful He is and make Himself real to them. Just so you know...

Next year doesn't seem like a possibility either. Is this going to get easier? I guess I'm just going to have to keep praying for some day.

Pray Continually ~ Libya

2011-07-08T21:53:00.003-04:00

A couple months ago Pastor included a prayer calendar in the bulletin. However, in addition to the church prayer calendar, this was to remind us to pray for different countries around the world. To raise awareness for countries who don't have the same freedoms we do.

So, in my efforts to be more aware of what is going on in the world (as well as to "recharge" my prayer life), I figured I would research the countries and find more information on what is happening. I think this is very important. The world doesn't revolve around me or you - compared to other Christians, we have it pretty easy. I need to be reminded of how blessed I am to live where I do and to have the life I do.

Today's country is Libya. Libya's ruler is Muammar al-Qadhafi. In an attempt to keep the peace in his country, he has tried to keep the Muslims happy. 96% of Libyans are Muslim while only 3% are Christians. While Christianity hasn't been outlawed, they aren't allowed the same freedoms as Muslims and much has to be done in secret. Only 1 church is allowed in each city and evangelizing just is not allowed.

Right now, a war is going on Libya and many Christians are forced to leave their country because of it. Many Christians have been tortured for their beliefs and for leaving the Islam religion.

Pray that the war in Libya will end soon. That belief in Christ will grow. That the Christians that are living there now will not give up and will not waver in their faith. That they will one day be allowed the same freedoms we have here in America.

How Did I End Up Here?

2011-06-26T18:28:00.003-04:00

I don't know what has happened. Lately, I feel so disconnected from everyone. And, I'm not sure it's my imagination. Have I turned everyone off from me? I've really been working on my attitude and trying to be more outgoing (which is really hard and sometimes exhausting for me).

I know I've been busy and I know other people are, too. But, I honestly feel like I make an effort to keep in touch with everyone. It's hard not having my friends in the exact same stage of life as me - some are nowhere near the same stage and have their own families. I'm pretty understanding and that doesn't necessarily bother me. No one should feel badly, it's just life. I get it.

At the same time, though, I just wonder how everything seemed to change from a few moths ago. How did this disconnection come to be and when will I feel like I am not drifting away from everyone? Booo...

Sacred Claim

2011-05-25T18:50:00.004-04:00

I haven't blogged in awhile. I've been pretty busy with school, but now it's finished and I am pleased with the result. Shutting (almost) everything down and (almost) living like a hermit paid off!

I think I've blogged before that my Bible Study was reading Set Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy, so I found this excerpt that I had marked (that we were never able to discuss in Bible Study).

Our act of worship is to offer our bodies to Him as living sacrifices. This is not just sitting in our comfortable church buildings and singing about how much we love Him. It is demonstrating our love for Christ by practically giving it to those who desperately need it.

"If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Depart in peace, be warmed and filled', but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also by faith itself, if it does not have works, is dead." ~ James 2:15-17

The world is absolutely flooded with those who are destitute of daily food and clothes. About 25,000 people die every day of hunger or hunger-related causes... In Latin America and Africa, countless children are addicted to inhalants as a means of deadening their senses to their bodies' desperate cries for food...

These people have a claim on your life... They are a priority to Christ and therefore must become a priority to us. If we are so preoccupied with self that we will not show the practical, life-changing, hope-giving love of Christ to them, our faith is dead...

Jesus went to seek and save the lost. He did not stay among the wealthy and important. He went out of His way to find those in need. And He calls us to follow in His steps.

I love this! I need to work on this. Yes, I feel as though I am aware of all other people need and it's not like I sit around never helping anyone. But, I could do more for them and less for myself. I need to think of more ways.

Shawn's brother and sister-in-law are in Colombia right now because they adopted 3 children. That is doing something! Other friends of ours just adopted a little girl from China. That is doing something! Friends of ours are planning a trip to Mexico this summer. That is doing something! Another friend just had a bead party to support women in Uganda. That is doing something! Shawn and I sponsor 2 children (1 from Mexico and 1 from Guatemala). It's been an awesome experience to be involved in their lives in this way.

I want to do more. I want to be used by God to change lives. So, I think, my next few blogs will be dedicated to this topic. It's something I've always cared about (especially helping children) and I need to discover ways I can do more and to be more open to what God is calling me to do.

{ Swoon }

2011-04-16T17:59:00.004-04:00

"I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that crinkle you get above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night... I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

~ When Harry Met Sally ~

Craft Time!

2011-04-14T13:35:00.002-04:00

So, I am not typically a "crafter." I usually run away from anything that involves any type of craft - except for an occasional scrapbook (don't even get me started on the one I still have not completed. let's just say, it was started when Shawn & I started dating - almost 7 years ago). But, ever since we bought our house, I have been obsessed with decorating blogs and any type of home store. However, we do not have enough money for the little things that aren't really necessities. Most of what we own has been generously given to us, bought on CraigsList, or found at yard sale / thrift store. So I have decided to start making what I can, plus isn't it trendy to be "green" ;) As I said, I read a lot of decorating blogs. Like, a lot. Almost an embarrassing amount. Almost... It's an addiction (along with my love for cooking blogs). I stumbled upon this blog a few weeks ago after seeing a picture of this craft on another blog. And so I decided to "take the leap" and try a simple, starter craft.

Repurposed Glass Jars with Decorative Paper

You're supposed to use scraps of paper or scraps of ribbon. I had neither (it really shouldn't surprise anyone that I don't own any of that), but it only cost me about $7 at Michael's for Mod Podge, some twine, and three types of paper. I also bought the tall vase at the Dollar Store. Big wow...

So, behold - my vases. They're now our dining room table centerpiece. I think I may try another craft, though I am a little leery of this one ---> Vintage YoYo Bobby Pins. It involves sewing (gulp! never, ever been good at that. can't even remember the last time I picked up a needle and thread. like 5th grade?) and a glue gun. Which I don't have. Yea, we'll see....

The Leavers: Young Doubters Exit the Church

2011-04-04T18:01:00.005-04:00

Wow... so I've been busy. The months are literally flying by (maybe it really is true that, the older you get, the more time flies? really can't believe I just said that). I haven't even had much time to sit in front of the computer for the last couple of weeks. My life is just the way I like it - busy, but not overwhelmingly so. Nothing eventful happening or in the near future. Unless you count yard sale season... The weather is starting to warm up, at least, I think. It's been a little weird. I'm excited to get back into shape. Alright, well, that's not the point. My point is - I am finally starting to feel settled. In married life. In our neighborhood. Hoping to feel more settled at church. (getting there, I guess) And, feeling more settled in Cross Current. A couple weeks ago we had a leadership retreat to Deep Creek Lake and that was really great! It seems that everywhere I turn lately there is an article about teens and college-age young people (is there a better way to say that?) and their lack of faith and/or there rejection of Christianity. It bothers me and yet, I know it's true. A good majority of my friends and family don't go to church - and most aren't really Christians. I've come across a lot of people at work (well, at Chick-fil-A, Panera, The Limited, & various babysitting jobs) who proclaim they are Christians, but let's face it, they most likely aren't. "Being a Christian" is used very very loosely. However, most of the people I have come across in those areas (and friendships) feel they don't even have a use for God and/or believe that the church is filled with hypocrites. Side note: I agree with that last statement. Of course, I do know that many are sincere and I don't think that is an excuse for leaving the church completely or turning your back on God. I know that many of the teens that attend Cross Current aren't Christians and don't attend a church. The state of this generation saddens me. I came across an article in Christianity Today entitled "The Leavers: Young Doubters Exit the Church." The article mainly references adults around my age (25, in case you're curious) and I found it to be rather startling. "The percentage of Americans claiming 'no religion' almost doubled in 2 decades... 22% of 18-to-29 year olds claimed 'no religion', up from 11%... Imagine a group photo of all the students who come to your church (or live within your community of believers) in a typical year. Take a big fat marker and cross out three out of every four faces. That's the probable toll of spiritual disengagement as students navigate through their faith during the next 2 decades... The problem today isn't those who are unchristian, but that so many are ex-Christian. Strictly speaking, they are not an unreached people group. They are our brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, and friends." These statistics really hit home to me - as I said, many of my friends wouldn't say they are Christians anymore (and, thus, would fall into the above groups). It's discouraging, because these were people that I once saw as strong Christians (or, hoped they would be). Now, many have gone the complete opposite way that my life has turned out. My heart grieves for them - literally to the point of losing sleep. It's discouraging. "The Christian life is hard to sustain in the face of so many temptations." Many of those who leave the church don't think there is only one way to Truth, while others believe Christianity isn't intellectual enough. Others have been hurt terribly by those who call themselves Christians and or adopt a different religion. "Many de-conversions were precipitated by what happened inside rather than outside the church... most leavers had been exposed to a superficial form of Christianity... It's in the air that many churchgoers breathe, from seeker-friendly worship services to low-commitment small groups." It's scary to me. I want so badly for my friends and the teens at Cross Current to know and love and desire to serve God. I long for them to have a true hunger and a true relationship with God - to not just call themselves a Christian because they know all the answers. And, for the most part, they do know the answers. The answers have been drilled into them so much that they can slide by without any adult questioning their real and honest beliefs. I want for Cross Current to be that place where they can deepen their faith (and, yes, question what they've been told) and where their faith is real. Not just to get by at school or with their parents. It's hard to make it that place when we (Shawn & I) don't have a real role, besides making sure no one is sneaking outside or getting hurt, etc. "One place to begin is by rethinking how we minister to those from youth to old age. There's nothing wrong with pizza and video games, nor with seeker-sensitive services, nor with low-commitment small groups that introduce people to the Christian faith. But these cannot replace serious programs of discipleship..." Something has to change. It is discouraging when you serve in a youth group and see so many kids not caring a thing about God. Yes, I know there will always be ones who are there just to have fun, but that shouldn't be the majority. I also know that there are many at Cross Current that do have a solid relationship with God. And, I can only hope and pray that they will not leave their faith. Maybe my discouragement comes with the territory. Maybe it's normal. Maybe God is trying to push me more. I don't know... Besides being discouraged with Cross Current, I am discouraged and filled with sorrow for my friends. I know they are respectful of my beliefs. I know each of them at least hears what I say (even though they usually don't truly take it to heart). I know they know what I believe. Prayer is all that I have left. I feel like I have done and said all I can and I will continue to do and say all I can to urge them to pursue Christ. But, I can't force them and I can't change their hearts. When I came across the article, the statistics alarmed me greatly. But, I can't say I am surprised. I have seen and talked to many of these people in my own life. And, I keep wondering - what more can I do? What more does God want me to do? How can I keep these teenagers in Cross Current and my own friends from abandoning Christ? How can I reach them? What am I not doing? What is God doing? What might He do in the future? I have to believe He is doing something. I know He will do something and I know He will be glorified. This waiting is just hard...

For Reals...

2011-03-02T12:36:00.000-05:00

I am SICK of people cancelling on me. Happens all the time and I never say anything.... Am I not important?!? I know things happen and come up - I've had to cancel before. But, for no real reason?

That is all..

When Love Takes You In ~ "Choosing to See"

2011-03-01T19:33:00.001-05:00

I thought this story from Choosing to See was so beautiful. Mary Beth and her family chose to adopt from China and while she was trying to be excited, she was also very apprehensive (which, I think most would say is understandable) and no one was sure how she would act when they brought the baby to her. As soon as she saw the woman turn the corner holding her baby, she ran to her and held her and wept. Beautiful. But, what I think is the most beautiful is her thought process and what she realized once the baby was placed in her arms:

"In that moment, time stopped.

It was like God was speaking to me directly, 'Mary Beth, you thickheaded woman, do you not understand now that this is the very way I see you? You are this orphan! I adopted you and you are Mine! I bought you for a price! Do you see how you love this baby? That's just a faint reflection of how much I love you! You didn't have a name, and I gave you a name. You did nothing to deserve My love, and I love you anyway. You had no hope, no future, and now you are the daughter of the King'!"

"'Do you get it NOW'? God was saying to me...

In an instant, God had bonded me forever to this little girl, and nothing would separate us. In doing so, He also showed me the forever fierceness of HIS unconditional love for me, doing a work of grace in my life that I'd never known before."

Isn't that amazing?!? It just spoke to me so much. Why do I take His love for granted? I have done nothing to warrant it, and yet He loves me. He is here for me. He wants me!

Menu: Week 2/21 - 2/26

2011-02-28T14:45:00.004-05:00

So, lately I've been a little "bored" with the meals I've been making. They're good, but really easy. Now, this doesn't necessarily mean that's a bad thing, but since cooking is my hobby I figured I should get better at it. Better at making healthy meals (or, at the very least, modifying them to make them healthier) and better at making more complicated meals. These aren't my own recipes - I haven't quite reached that point yet, but I read a lot of food blogs and love the varieties in difficulty and all the things I probably never would have thought to make. That was the plan for last week, but I kind of got thrown a curveball.

School was stressing me out because the Internet is acting up, so that was one meal out since I was working hard to finish what needed to be done. My brother was in the hospital, so we ended up eating out, so meal 2 out. I wasn't feeling well on Sunday when we got home from church, so that was meal 3 out the window.

I still made 4 meals and, luckily, what I had planned could all be saved for this coming week. We didn't save any money and spent more by eating out, however this week we didn't need too much. I can only remember 3 of the meals I made.

Only 1 of them was challenging. That would be:

Sour Cream Enchiladas from Centsational Girl with Green Enchilada Sauce from Our Best Bites.

Oh my goodness gracious - was that an amazing meal! And, not too expensive to make. Not very low-calorie, though I did use light sour cream and reduced fat cheese. Plus, the Sauce was homemade, so I knew what was going into it and could monitor the amount of seasonings and everything was fresh. I served it with a packaged mix of Haitian Rice & Beans and Stir Fried Green Beans (using frozen green beans since I already had a package). You do not want to miss out on this meal. AMAZING!!

Seriously, you want to make this next meal, too. It took 30 minutes MAX (including carrots and brown rice), more like 20, really. And, it's healthy - very healthy. Tilapia is very mild and, aside from salmon, it's about the only one I like. Only challenging for me, because I've only cooked fish a couple of times.

Garlic Lime Tilapia from Eat at Home Cooks

3 tbsp. butter

2-3 cloves garlic, crushed

6 Tilapia fillets

Old Bay

1/4 c. lime juice

1) Melt butter in a large skillet. Add the garlic and cook for a minute or 2.

2) Season the fish with Old Bay on both sides of each fillet.

Add to the skillet. Cook for several minutes. Flip and cook the other side for a couple minutes. Pour the lime juice into the skillet. Cover and cook the last few minutes until the fish flakes easily with a fork.

The other meal I remember making is Chicken and Carrots with Wine Sauce in the Crock-Pot from Cooking Light and Creamy Crock-Pot Risotto. Both were good and so easy. I'm not typically big on Crock-Pot meals, mainly because most of them use "cream of" soups. Not a huge fan of the taste and they're not too good for you unless you buy the reduced-fat ones which typically cost more. Definitely will make again as I often have all the ingredients in my pantry, freezer, and/or refrigerator.

This week: Gnocchi, Chicken Paninis with Roasted Garlic, Steak, Shepherd's Pie, Chicken with Apple Cream Sauce, and Chili. Nothing too complicated - it's a busy week with church activities and my final for my class.

Salted Caramel Cupcakes

2011-02-23T19:13:00.023-05:00

There's a new cupcake place that just opened near my house. It's to die for, but a little expensive. So, I thought I'd try my favorite flavor (Salted Caramel, so far) at home. No, I didn't make them using my own recipe - I am not the best at baking (but getting better) and I'd have no clue how to do that anyway. I looked up two recipes online and combined them. The cake is chocolate with caramel icing.

One-Bowl Chocolate Cupcake Batter (From Martha Stewart originally, but found here):

* Makes 18 Cupcakes *

1 1/2 c. all-purpose flour (I used half whole wheat, half all-purpose)
3/4 c. unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
1 1/2 c. sugar (I used 1/2 c. raw sugar and 1 c. sugar)
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda3/4 tsp. baking powder3/4 tsp. salt
2 large eggs
3/4 c. buttermilk (I did the old milk and lemon juice trick) 3 tbsp. vegetable oil
1 tsp. vanilla extract (never, never use Imitation Vanilla)
3/4 c. warm water

1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line standard muffin tins with paper liners. With an electric mixer on medium speed, whisk together flour, cocoa, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.
Reduce speed to low. Add eggs, buttermilk, oil, vanilla, and the water; beat until smooth and combined, scraping sides of bowl evenly.

2) Divide batter evenly among lined cups, filling to about two-thirds full.

Here's a trick my mom taught me - if you don't need to use all the cupcake cups, fill them with water. That way the filled cupcakes will bake evenly.

Bake, rotating tins halfway through (if your oven heats unevenly like mine does, you do NOT want to skip this step. Besides, when is Martha Stewart not right?), until a

cake tester inserted in center comes out clean, about 20 minutes.

Transfer tins to wire racks to cool 10 minutes; turn out cupca

kes onto racks and let cool completely.

Salted Caramel Buttercream Icing (Recipe from Savory Bites)
1 stick butter (I used margarine)
3-4 c. powdered sugar
1/2 c. granulated sugar (I used 1/4 c. raw and 1/4 c. granulated)
1/2 c. heavy cream (I actually used light cream)
Pinch of sea salt (trust me, table salt won't have the same effect)

1) In a heavy-bottomed saucepan, cook granulated sugar over medium-high heat until it begins to melt... Making caramel is a fine art because, while you want it to turn into an amber brown, you don't want it to burn. However, you do want a hint of that smokey flavor. In other words, burn a bit, but not too much.

2) Carefully pour the cream in, in a steady stream. The whole thing will bubble and sputter...

Just keep stirring until completely smooth. Set aside to cool a bit.

3) Using a mixer, cream the butter until fluffy and smooth. Add the powdered sugar half a cup at a time. You may not need all 4 cups. The sugar just helps the consistency of the buttercream. Then, when the consistency is the way you want it (3 cups worked for me), add the pinch of sea salt (I used more like a teaspoon to make it taste closer to Flavor's).

Take a spoonful of the caramel and add it to the frosting in dollops. Gently stir.

You know what to do next... I was going to use my cute cupcake decorator that I got as a wedding present, but I ran out of time to figure out how it works. School work was calling me - next time I'll give that a shot. I did sprinkle a tiiiiiiiiny bit of salt on top of the cupcakes.

Result: Pretty good. Definitely not as good as Flavor's - there's isn't really a buttercream icing. Will have to keep searching for the perfect whipped creamish icing. Also, not as salty as I wanted them to be (which could also be due to the buttercream icing). I am majorly a salty/sweet girl. If it doesn't have some saltiness to it, I probably won't eat much of it. And, if it's chocolate it HAS to be salty as well or I am almost definitely not a fan. Next time, I think I'll add salt to the caramel and I definitely didn't let it "burn" enough.

"Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman

2011-02-15T10:17:00.004-05:00

On Sunday, I started the book Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman. I'm sure everyone knows this but a couple years ago (3, I think), Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman's daughter, Maria, was hit by a car (driven by their son, Will) in their driveway. This book is their story. It's an amazing book - truly, truly amazing - and it points to God all throughout. It's a quick read. I'm almost done and have had a hard time putting it down. I highly recommend it. Very encouraging and hope-filled.

I'll share more from it more later, but these are just some quotes and a verse that I have found so helpful and so comforting. You know how I love my quotes. I hope they will be as comforting and as encouraging to you as they are to me:

A person who lives in faith must proceed on incomplete evidence, trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse.

~ Philip Yancey

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

~ 2 Corinthians 1: 3 & 4

Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.

~ William Barclay

Christianity doesn't deny the reality of suffering and evil... Our hope... is not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering. Rather, it is based on the conviction that we will triumph over suffering.

~ Brennan Manning

Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream.

~ Larry Crabb

See, just SEE the glory of God today.

Hmmm...

2011-02-13T18:05:00.002-05:00

Nothing too interesting has been going on lately. Nothing life-changing, anyway... So, this might be a boring post.

I started my classes two weeks ago. So far, it's going pretty well. I like being back in school - even if it is online. I like having something to do, I like learning, and I love having a purpose and knowing what I'm doing. Even better - I like the feeling that I am learning and doing what I am supposed to be doing. I really think I'm going to enjoy this. I can't wait to help people (though, that is quite a long way down the road) and I just really have a peace that this is what God wants me to study now. Eventually something will come of it - lol!

Cross Current seems to be getting a little better. Sort of. I'm starting to get to know a few of the girls, but I think there's still quite a way to go.

Shawn and I went on a little weekend trip to New York City last weekend. It was great! We didn't really do anything - just wandered around. But, it was nice to spend time together. We've gotten busy lately and both been stressed about different things.

I think I'm finally out of my moody, whiny, complaining rut. For now. It always comes around again, but I am getting better at curbing it, though.

I don't feel lonely quite as much anymore. I guess I'm getting the hang of Shawn's long hours. Usually. Mostly. Ok, fine, I'm trying... I still sometimes feel as though I don't know where I belong and where I fit in around here.

Still not doing the greatest with doing my devotions regularly. But, we've been studying Jonah in Sunday School and we've actually been talking about him in my class as well. More on that later.

Wow, this post might be pretty pointless. I was hoping that something would come out of it, but not so much. I've been having a hard time with writing anything lately - even in my journaling. The thoughts just aren't there. It's filled up with other stuff (hopefully), I guess. It's discouraging, kind of, because that's how I let my feelings up - they're all just stuck inside my head. And lately, I haven't really known much of what to think about anything. Story of my life...

"Prayer is as natural an expression of faith as breathing is of life." ~ Jonathan Edwards

2011-01-26T13:28:00.005-05:00

Let me take you back a few weeks... A few weeks ago, I was at the end of my rope. A few weeks ago, I was frustrated and tired. A few weeks ago, I just wanted to give up on everyone and just stay in bed all day. A few weeks ago, I was angry with God. I was just so weary in every sense of the word.

The main thing on my heart lately is this - I feel like I can't get through to some of my friends. I see them making the wrong choices and I do speak up and try to give sound advice, but it's just gotten hard. It's hard to give them hope when they want nothing to do with God and when they want to keep continuing on their path without worrying about future consequences (and there are always consequences). It's hard when there's nothing left I can do. Except pray.

But, I got to the point where I didn't even feel like God was listening. I know, I know - I know all the "Sunday School" answers - "God does hear," "God's timing isn't our own," etc. All true, yes, but it's deeper than that for me. I know there are a lot of people who pray and pray and pray, never once losing their belief and hope that God will change things. That just wasn't me. For such a long time, I have seen no change. None. Not a thing - every time I think there might be a glimmer of hope, I feel discouraged. Sometimes, I don't even know how to pray. It's a real thing for me. I have a hard time praying. There, I said it...

It's hard for me when, every day I see them struggling. No, faith in God doesn't make things automatically easier - this I know from experience. It's hard when I see them in pain and hurting. It breaks my heart and I just want to DO SOMETHING. I want so badly to see them change and I truly want them to be happy. I want them to realize they are loved. By me and by God - even if sometimes that makes me seem prudish and/or not worth their time.

Pastor Dave said something in his sermon that very week (when I just wanted to forget about them and leave their problems behind me) - "When we pray, we willingly participate in what God is doing." I could be taking this the wrong way, of course, and maybe this has nothing to do with this struggle inside of me. But, praying is doing something. Praying is talking to God - even when I am angry and yelling that He's not listening. Praying is begging God to use me in any way He can. Praying is giving the situation over to God. Praying is helping them even if they don't realize or want it. Praying is me letting God have control.

I would never want my friends to feel like I have given up on them. I'm sure there will be more times when I feel this way. But, there's just no way I can give up on them. I don't feel like that's what God wants me to do. I do need to remember that God is the One who changes their hearts - not me. Maybe He will use me to get through to them, maybe He won't (and, I need to remember that is a possibility). They're the ones who make the decisions. The best I can do is to give them real answers and not just sit back silently (though, that's not always a bad thing). I can listen and give sound advice when they don't seem to be getting it anywhere else. As much as it may hurt my heart, they don't need my judgement. No one deserves that... I just wish they knew how much I love them and want them to have blessed, fulfilled, wonderful lives.

Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T22:31:00.000-05:00

Well, it's Christmas Eve again. And, i'm alone again. Just like last year and just like i most likely will be next year. It's hard on holidays when he works - especially when it's overnights. I don't get to see Shawn at all and everyone is busy with their family. The Christmas Eve service at church is hard. It's hard to see all my friends and family not being alone. I just leave and go home to the dog and an empty house.

This year is better, though. I guess I've just resigned myself to the fact that I have to get used to this. It's always how it will be. At least Shawn has a job - that's more than a lot of people can say right now. Being alone has given me time to think about all the people that are hurting this year. I have friends who have lost babies, Shawn works with a woman whose son died in a surfing accident in October, friends who have lost parents, etc. Others around us are homeless, won't get to spend the holidays with any family at all, and still others may not even get the Christmas that I will have tomorrow.

So, it's not so bad. I'm trying to be thankful... As I said, Shawn has a job, we have a warm house, at least Libby is here with me (even if she causes me trouble), I'll get to see my family tomorrow, and I did get to celebrate the birth of Jesus with my church. And, of course, I'm thankful for the birth of Jesus (even if He most likely wasn't born on December 25)...

"Merry Christmas" by Third Day

2010-12-13T21:52:00.002-05:00

Lately I have been completely obsessed with my Pandora Christmas stations. Ask Shawn - I've been playing them quite often since the day after Thanksgiving (one should never start listening to Christmas music before that, just sayin').

The other night I stumbled upon the song "Merry Christmas" by Third Day. Now, I'm not a huge Third Day fan, so I guess that would explain why I never came across it before. But, it's a beautiful song about an adopting family waiting for their orphaned daughter who lives in China.

Lately I've been hearing a lot about adoption from my sister-in-law, Tiffany, and friends, Dan & Wendy. Plus, Shawn & I have always (if you count before we got married) planned on adopting one day. So, of course, this song hit really close to home and, honestly, moved me to tears. I know - that's not very hard to do. I'm assuming it was written by a member of the band who recently adopted. It's simple, but so beautiful. A family's yearning for a new child that will soon be joining their family an their anticipation of that day.

I can't wait to meet my new nieces and nephew and a new little friend. I can't wait until the day (Lord willing) that Shawn & I get to bring a child who so badly needs a family into our home. One day...

Watch the video here

Christmas card 2010

2010-12-02T10:36:00.001-05:00

Bold Bright Wishes Christmas

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Sickness & Discouragement

2010-11-05T19:25:00.002-04:00

Sick... again... for the second time in 3 weeks. I don't get sick that often, so I'm not sure what's happening. I hate it. I hate just sitting here and watching tv. I'm tired of tv, tired of reading, tired of everything. I know, I'm complaining. I guess there's never a "good" time to get sick, but this surely isn't it. Shawn finally has a weekend off, so we were supposed to do some things together (for about the first time since our anniversary trip 2 months ago) but now it looks like we'll be stuck at home. I'm also missing CrossCurrent for the second time (after only having been twice).

Honestly, I'm torn between being relieved and frustrated that I am not there. I know, I've only been twice, but I'm already discouraged about CrossCurrent. It's both what I expected and not what I expected - all at the same time. I don't really know many of the kids (maybe only about 10) and this intimidates me. None of them know who I am and none of them really seem to care. It's full of cliques (which I expected) so that makes it pretty hard to talk to any of them. It's somewhat like the senior trip we went on last year. I know it will take time and I get that they really only want to be there to hang out with their friends. That's normal, but it's just very uncomfortable. It's also harder for Shawn to understand. He's never been a teenage girl and he can't understand why they act the way they do and why I don't just impose myself upon all of the girls there. The guys have already been very accepting of him. It's not that the girls are rude - it's just different.

For the past 2 years, I've been leading a Bible study of a couple girls from church. I've loved our times together - even the weeks when we seem to get nothing done, it's still fun. But this year everyone is busier than ever. It's frustrating to find even one Sunday a month when everyone (or at least the majority) can be there. I feel like I'm ready to just give up, but it just might have to be that way. I can't tell what it is God wants. When I felt like just being done a couple months ago, the girls rallied and wouldn't stand for stopping. Difficult...

I am also having a hard time, just in general. I try to spend time with God and get my encouragement from there, but lately I feel nothing. I feel lonely. No one I know is fully in the same stage of life. I have plenty of friends - everything has just felt different lately. Yes, everyone's busy. But, when did I start feeling like I really know nothing about anyone and like no one really wants to know what's going on with me either? Ugh...

I've been praying for a few of my friends the past few years. That things will change. That they will realize all they could have if they just gave their lives over to God. That none of the things they are doing will ever truly make them happy. No answers. None. I feel like they're just moving further and further away. It's their choice. I can't make anyone decide or change their hearts. Sometimes, I feel like "only" being able to pray for them (because, honestly, I've tried just about everything else - at least, in my opinion) isn't enough. But, I know it's all I can do. I can be there for them, support them, and I can pray for them. I'm trying...

I don't really know. I feel like this doesn't make much sense - it's just a lot of thoughts all jumbled up into one blog post. A lot might have to do with me being sick. Lol! But, it's real. It's just another time in my life where I feel a little overwhelmed and like nothing I seem to do is good enough and that nothing will settle down...

Power of Prayer

2010-10-29T13:44:00.001-04:00

"There is no power like that of prevailing prayer - of Abraham pleading for Sodom, Jacob wrestling in the stillness of the night, Moses standing in the breach, Hannah intoxicated with sorrow, David heartbroken with remorse and grief, Jesus in sweat of blood. Such prayer prevails. It turns ordinary mortals into men of power. It brings power. It brings fire. It brings rain. It brings life. It brings God."
~ Samuel Chadwick ~

Love, love, LOVE this quote I stumbled upon while reading our Bible study book today! I struggle with prayer - with making the time, with remembering and/or caring to actually do it, with finding the words (though, I've found writing my prayers in a journal really helps), with staying focused, with my selfishness in not getting the answers I want when I want them .

This is why I need to pray: IT BRINGS GOD!

Loving God Full-Force

2010-10-19T21:42:00.001-04:00

I've finally gotten around to finishing the first (of 2) Passion Conference dvd that Wendy let me borrow a year ago (sorry, Wendy). Tonight, I watched Joshua Harris and Kirk Cameron. Yes, the Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains.

Yes, the Kirk Cameron I had a major crush on when I was very little. One and the same. I've heard him speak before at Creation - possibly even on the same topic, but that was before I really and truly cared about God. Basically, he presented the Gospel in a way I've heard many times. I know the Gospel inside and out. Many of the people I know do. But that, of course, doesn't make you a Christian. Simply knowing the Gospel isn't enough. I never mind hearing the Gospel - I don't think any of us should ever tire of that - but I always like hearing "new" people tell it. I find that I almost always get a new truth. Tonight it was this...

"Have I loved God so much that my love for my husband, family, and friends looks like hatred?"

Stopped me dead. in. my. tracks...

I know I love God. I know I am a Christian. There is NO (let me stress that - NO) doubt about that! However, I am not sure I act like this. I often concern myself too much with "what will people think of me" and not "I love God so much that I don't even care". I love my family, my husband, and my friends. They're (you're) very important to me, but I think that sometimes I make others too important.

So, here's what I want to know - how do I love God that much? I LOVE God! No, I'm not perfect and yes, He often gets pushed to the back. It's something is a constant work in progress. How do I find that balance?

Sacred Decorum

2010-09-30T22:48:00.003-04:00

So, I started reading Set Apart Feminity by Leslie Ludy a few weeks ago and I am halfway through. Even at 25 I have gotten a lot out of it. Yes, much of it is what I "already knew" or had "already heard," but it's still a good read. And worthwhile. We're reading it in Bible study (well, we're supposed to be, but that's another post altogether) and I fully recommend it to any mother with a teenage daughter. Leslie Ludy puts things plainly and doesn't usually mince her words. It's easy to read, but still impactful and interesting.

I have a lot of thoughts swimming through my head right now (including a lot of conviction), but here's what stood out to me tonight:

Jesus says, "Rise up, my love, my fair one and come away." He asks you to come out from the world and be separate and touch not the unclean thing. Make no reserves. Come altogether away from selfishness - from anything which would divide your chaste and pure love to Christ - your soul's Husband. Come away from your old habits. Avoid the very appearance of evil. Come away from old friendships which may tempt you back to the flesh pots of Egypt. Leave all these things. Come away to private communion. Come away, shut the doors of your chamber and talk with your Lord Jesus and have close and intimate dealing with Him. Oh, take care that you begin aright by coming right away from the world, by making your dedication perfect, complete, unreserved, sincere, spotless.

~ Charles Spurgeon ~

1st Anniversary

2010-09-28T21:18:00.006-04:00

Well, Shawn is back to working nights for the next 3 or 4 weeks - so I am back to blogging. I guess it's been awhile, though I'm not sure if anyone really reads this.

Our first anniversary came and went a couple weeks ago, and to celebrate we went on a cruise to the Bahamas. I'll put pictures from that up later, but first I wanted to re-post some wedding pictures. I looked through the album the other day and I remembered how magical (I know, I know - cheesy) it was. It was POURING, but the day still flew by and was everything I was hoping it would be. Here are my favorites!

I have absolutely loved our first year of being married. It wasn't as hard to adjust as I had thought it might be, but it wasn't without its "difficulties" (if you can even call them that - very minor). But, all in all, it's been wonderful and fun. I've enjoyed getting to know him better and being together a lot more. I love him!

Another "Transition Phase"...

2010-08-10T23:02:00.003-04:00

because, apparently, that's what we thrive on around here. This always leads to lots of (mostly unnecessary) stress and tears for me.

We're definitely set to help with CrossCurrent in the fall. Initially, I was very excited about this. Ok, I still am. But, as it gets closer - I am getting more and more nervous. That I won't do a good job. That I won't impact one. That I won't know what to do or say. That they won't like me I worry about these things. I always have. While I don't necessarily care what everyone thinks about me - there are people I want to "impress" (for lack of a better word). I want to be liked and I want to do something in their lives. Rather, I want God to do something in their lives and I want to be used by Him.

I'm hoping to go back to school in November (for counseling in youth ministry). So far, money is a big issue - as always. We aren't extravagant with our money and we're not living beyond our means, but we really don't need one more thing to pay for. It's something I really want to do and I honestly thought I would never figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Besides be a wife and (one day) a mom. I miss school and I'm really interested in this. But, I'm trying not to get too hopeful in case it doesn't work out.

I'll be back to girl's Bible study in the fall (when we can all find some time that works for us). We're going to be reading Set Apart Feminity by Leslie Ludy. I am excited and I am determined to put a lot more work into it than I did this past year. (Sorry, girls - I was a bit preoccupied.)

Shawn is going to be back to working with Battalion and I know he's excited about it. I am trying to be. I am unsure of how all this busyness is going to affect us. Even though I know we see each other a lot, I feel like we don't get a lot of quality time. I love Wednesday night Bible study, but add to that: his crazy work schedule of 4 days a week, me going back to school, Cross Current every other Friday, GaP occasionally (when we can make it), Bible study every Sunday afternoon or night, small groups the first Sunday of every month, and Cross Current meetings the second Sunday of every month - and I am already feeling overwhelmed.

I don't want us to crash and burn. No, I know it's not that drastic. I think once we figure out another routine, it will be ok. I'm hoping we haven't taken on too much. We didn't make any of these decisions hastily, so I'm not as worried as I would normally be. I feel like God brought us all of these opportunities for a reason, but I'm wondering if He was a little crazy and/or forgot who I am and what my personality is?

Shawn works night the next 2 weeks (well, 2 more nights this week) and I always seem to fall apart when he is gone. I think about things too much, because I run out of things to do. I don't like being alone so much, and this is partly why (besides not enjoying the nighttime noises). I am lonely and feeling overwhelmed. I know I shouldn't whine and complain. Really, I'm not - it's just the facts and it's something I'm desperately trying to work on. He works hard for a reason and I am greatful for that.

Living with Significance

2010-07-12T21:51:00.001-04:00

Yesterday's sermon was great! It really was something I have been needing to hear.

I've been dealing with feeling like what I am doing is insignificant. It's hard when I don't have a full-time job, I didn't go to school past getting an AA, and I am home alone a lot (sometimes busy, but often doing "nothing"). There may be a chance I've written about this before, but Pastor's sermon really hit me deep and I feel like it filled in a lot of the cracks where my heart has been hurting.

The sermon was based on Luke 19:11-27 (The Parable of the 10 Minas). You should really read it sometime - I would go into detail here, but you'll get more out of it if you go right to the source (as it should be). Anyway, the whole story is about what you do with what you're given. Even when you think what you are doing is "little" or "unimportant" (as I so often do), that's not the case. I need to be diligent in whatever I do, wherever God has placed me, & what He has called me to do. And, in addition to that, I need to be faithful in using what God has given to me.

Even when I feel like what I am doing is monotonous, useless, & worthless - I need to remember that God has placed me where I am. It's up to me to use what I am doing to glorify Him. The most seemingly insignificant things can be used to glorify Him. Am I living with significance? Am I living in a way so that I realize God is in control and God is using me in whatever situation I am in?

I love it! I so needed to be reminded that what I am doing isn't unimportant (even if others think it is). I am where God wants me to be, and I need to do my best in that situation. I know, I've said that a lot, but I am mostly reminding myself ;)

I loved the application questions at the end, too. They really helped me to dig deeper and to think about what I had just heard. So, of course, I'll share them with you. Be greatful (lol):

~ What have you contributed to life? Who would miss you if you were gone?

~ How are you doing with the ordinary opportunities to show your loyalty to Jesus? Where might you like to improve?

~ Where are you taking risk for the cause of Christ? What do you think Jesus would like you to do through the rest of this year?

~ What would it mean for you to live a life of significance?

"A little thing is a little thing, but faithfulness in a little thing is a big thing and is the way we live with significance."

My Hope...

2010-07-08T14:28:00.003-04:00

is that one day Shawn can say this about me.

John Adams said/wrote this about his wife (Abigail, for those who somehow don't know that)...

"the delight of [his] heart, the sweetener of all his toils, the comforter of all his sorrows, the sharer and heightener of all his joys. In all his struggles and in all his sorrows, [her] affectionate participation and cheering encouragement... had been his never failing support."

I just finished reading Abigail Adams: Witness to a Revolution by Natalie S. Bober. I thought it was great. She was a fantastic woman and a very supportive wife - even though it was hard (I mean, hello?!? they didn't see each other for 5 years and it took FOREVER for mail to get back and forth).

I want Shawn to think this of me, too. Knowing him, those words might never be said out loud :)

Hope, hope, hope...

The Struggles of My Heart

2010-06-22T17:44:00.002-04:00

I've been sitting here for the past few minutes trying to think how to write this. I am not sure I can clearly convey what I want to say and/or what I really mean...

When I was began going to college at Essex, I had every intention of going into some sort of ministry program to either become a missionary or to work in an orphange (or both) when I finished. It's what I wanted to do and children in need are always something I have had a heart for. But then, Shawn and I started seriously dating and I felt God telling me that our relationship was what I needed to focus on and that I needed to stay where I was. I'll never regret that decision. Ok, to be honest - sometimes I do, but not because I am not happy - but because it's still a desire in my heart to go and do. I know could have done more of a short-term missions trip, but that wasn't really "done" at my church and the ones I looked at were way more than anything I could ever hope to afford. Maybe I didn't look hard enough, I don't know, that's not the point.

Fast forward to 4(ish) years ago, Shawn and a group of guys from church went on a missions trip to Mexico. Since then, there have been several more opportunities. Neither opportunity has worked to allow us to be able to go. And I am discouraged - even more so when I hear everyone's awesome experiences. I am starting to feel like I will never get to go. And I am jealous. Happy for those that get to go, but sad that I have to stay here when my heart so badly wants to go and be used. To go and help. Many tears were shed when both times I realized I would be left here in Maryland while some of my closest friends and family got to go and do work for Him. And to meet the little girl (Cinthia) we sponsor. Even as I sit here and write this, my heart is hurting. This isn't a plea for anyone to feel sorry for me. It's just my struggle lately.

My heart has been very hard towards God since I found out I couldn't go. I have been stubborn and I'm sure I've ignored many of His promptings. Sunday was rough. I was unhappy and wondering why God hasn't felt "the need" to use me. Am I not good enough? Am I not Christian enough? Do I not love Him enough? What do I need to do to get Him to fulfill this desire that I feel so strongly inside of me? Why doesn't He want to use me? Does He even realize how badly I want this? Doesn't He want me to meet Cinthia?

And then, I felt Him whisper, "Will you have faith in me to use you where you are - even if it means never getting to go to Mexico or somewhere else?" My first reaction? No! When will I ever get to fulfill my dream of meeting those children that need someone to love them? When will I ever get to see a different way of life? When will you let me help You?

While I feel like my heart broke right there, I realized that some of the opportunities (which I will talk more about later) that have come along recently would not have come if I had gone to Mexico. I can still have the desire to go to Mexico, but I might never be able to go there. I can still pray for and love on that precious Cinthia - while I might never get to meet her here on Earth. The thought of not being able to go hurts my heart greatly, but I feel my heart softening. While my desire is to go, I need to go for the right reasons. While my desire is to help, I might be needed here. God can use me here. I just need to realize that He can use me - here. People here need help, too. It's not about my desires and what I want for my life.

So, while I won't give up on my hope and prayers that I get to go to Mexico, I need to remember that it's not about me. It's not about my timing. It's about His timing and where He knows I can be used and where He needs me. It's not about what I want, but what God is doing.

I guess that's why this has been my "life verse" since high school:

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord.

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

~ Isaiah 55:8 & 9

This is really going to embarrass Shawn (not that he actually ever reads this)

2010-06-17T19:16:00.005-04:00

Allow me to brag about my husband for a few minutes...

A few weeks ago, we found out that Shawn was nominated for "Nurse of the Year" at Shock Trauma. There was a dinner on Tuesday and we found out he won!!!!! I am so excited for him. Even though he might not show it - I know he is, too. It really is kind of a big deal there. Big plaque and all. The award is given out by the fellows (ask him if you want to know that means, lol) and they choose who is the most deserving. And, for only having been there for 2 years - that's pretty good!

It was nice to sit a table with people he works with. As well as "So, you're Shawn's wife. I'm glad someone was willing to put up with him," etc. etc., I got a lot of "Shawn is genuinely the nicest guy you will ever meet... We love Shawn... Shawn is a great nurse and we're glad to have him." And, after he won - "it couldn't go to a more deserving person." I loved hearing that! I really am blessed by him every day. And, I'm glad he gets recognized by those he works with on a daily basis.

I know, I may complain about the hours and how little I get to see him. But his job is so great! I wish I could say I helped people and saved their lives on a daily basis. He really works hard and is knowledgeable about what he does. It made me realize that, the time he spends there, really is worth it. I overlook that a lot and I always feel badly.

I just love him so much and I'm so proud of him... He's amazing!

Two more...

2010-06-07T13:40:00.003-04:00

This quote by Winston Churchill was used in one of the graduate's speeches last night. I loved it!

"Never give in - never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty; never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

And here's one from John Piper that I read on another blog:

"Jesus Christ is the refreshing center of summer. He is preeminent in all things (Col. 1:18), including vacations, picnics, softball, long walks, and cookouts... The summer sun is a mere pointer to the sun that will be: the glory of God. Summer is for seeing and showing that."

Seriously?

2010-06-03T17:42:00.003-04:00

I'm sure I've asked this question many times either on here or on Facebook, but it's time for it again...

why am I always so surprised when God answers my prayers so quickly - or even at all?

I know, I know - it's normal, it's because we're human, it's because we don't have enough faith, etc. etc...

But, God has definitely answered some of my prayers recently. I can't really talk about anything yet, but Shawn and I has some decisions to make for the coming year (no questions about me being pregnant or becoming pregnant - that's not what I'm talking about). Something we would really like to do. It's just working out all of the logistics and figuring out if we can "do it all." So, pray for us. While we believe this opportunity is from God, it's hard to see how it will all work out...

"I'm Just Trying to Matter." ~ June Cash

2010-05-25T10:07:00.004-04:00

Well, we've been back from our trip for a week now and everything is back to normal (whatever that really means). Why can't I seem to get everything "back to normal" right away? What is it going to be like when we eventually have kids?

The trip was great (I'll put up pictures in a separate post)! We really, really had a good time. The weather was warm and sunny every day - simply beautiful. Disney World and Universal Studios were great and tons of fun. I desperately want to go back.

But, that's not why it was great...

Remember how apprehensive I was about going in the first place? I'd heard a lot of stories and stuff about the class that wasn't so good and I only really knew a few of the seniors. That all changed on the loooooong ride down to Florida. Shawn and I got to talk to some of the seniors. They started off quiet, but thankfully it didn't stay that way the whole time and they started to open up a little. And, it was fun - I enjoyed talking to them about what they did and didn't like, etc. After that I knew it would be ok.

Some days were a little challenging, but by the middle of the week we (especially Shawn) were able to talk to them more and spend some more time with them. Without being overbearing or pushy. They're really searching. Yes, some know and have a relationship with God and some don't really care. But some really do want to know God and are looking for more - they might just not know where to find Him or how to get "there." They really were a good group of kids. They don't always get along with each other and there were some small problems, but it was fun! I hope they had a good time and enjoyed themselves...

Unfortunately, unlike Shawn, I didn't get anywhere with anyone. Girls are just harder to get to know and to have an actual conversation with - you need to know them more than a week. I'd like to keep in touch with some of them, but I know that once they leave Open Bible - we'll probably never hear from them again. I was really discouraged by this thoughout the week, but in the last 2 or 3 days, I talked to some of the girls more (though, still no personal conversation) and I realized what I wanted to do.

Actually, both Shawn and I did. We'd like to work with that age group and be involved somehow. We volunteered to go along on this trip every year (no, not just for Disney World and a free trip), but it doesn't look like that will happen next year (but possibly in the near future - we'll see). I just wish there was something we could do now, but I'm not exactly sure what that is. This leads to a lot more frustration on my part. I want to do something. I could do something - I just don't see how it will happen.

I know, this may seem a little disjointed - it's hard to put into words. I just so strongly feel the need and the want to do something, but I'm not sure it's possible where I am right now. What is there for me to do? Where is there for me to go? And, where do I fit in? Between Bible study and teaching Sunday School, what's left for me? I want to make a difference...

Putting Off Stealing

2010-05-06T20:31:00.004-04:00

So, more from Unfashionable and Mr. Tchvidjian...

... we should consider ourselves stewards of everything in our lives - every dollar we earn, every good idea that enters our minds, every position we attain, every privilege we enjoy. We are to steward well all our skills, resources, experiences, influence, and social capital, investing them back into the created order for the good of other people. We're to leverage our God-given resources for the common good, making this society a better place to live for everyone, not just ourselves. As Christians, we'll be held accountable for the way we invest every asset God has given us (see Matthew 25:14-30).

More than anyone else, Christians ought to operate according to the words of the martyred missionary Jim Elliot: "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."

There isn't really much to add to this, I guess. I have a hard enough time thinking of everything I have as blessings - even though I know that's what they are. I'm working really hard to get myself out of the mindset that, "I earned the money, so I obviously deserve this." All that I have isn't mine. I can't take it with me (how many times have we all heard that one?) and it truly will mean nothing in Heaven and it means nothing to God. What matters to Him is how I use what I have. It shouldn't all go to me - I truly do like to help others. Really. The problem is realizing what I really NEED and what I need to GIVE UP or GIVE AWAY.

It all goes back to the selfishness issue, huh?

It's been a few months - time for another trip!

2010-05-06T20:17:00.003-04:00

I love going places - especially now that I'm married. As I'm sure I've said before, with Shawn's schedule, it really seems like weeks can go by without any real time spent together. And, if he's not working - I often am, or we have something at church. So, we've been trying to get away every few months - if only just for a night or two. So far we have been blessed with the money and the time to get away. I look forward to it every time - especially the planning. What can I say? It's just something I enjoy and it helps to pass the time. But this getaway? We have to pay no money and we had to do no planning...

We're going to DISNEY WORLD with Open Bible's senior class. I know, not quite "alone time," but that's ok. It's a trip where he won't get called into work and where we can have days together. And, chances are, we'll get some time to talk - even if it is in our room at night. More than we've had the past 2 weeks.

I know to some it's not the ideal trip. I wouldn't say it is to us either, but we (ok, I) were having a hard time trying to figure out what to do for our first anniversary and this basically solved the problem for us (Bahamas, anyone). I am a little apprehensive, though. Neither of us really knows any of the people in the class. Vaguely, but not really. We've heard kind of a mix of what they are like, so we really don't know what to expect. I know a lot isn't expected of us - aside from making sure they don't kill each other - which is probably good. But, I still want to make some kind of impact. I don't want them to like hate me. No, I'm not looking for their approval. Really. I couldn't care less. Chances are - we'll probably never see many of them again. I just want to know I did my best with what I had.

I feel like so many teenagers right now couldn't care less about God or what He thinks of what they're doing with their time and showing in their actions. So, I feel like I want to just do something. So, pray for us as we go away. I'm not expecting much. And, it's not like I'm going to walk around preaching. I don't do well with things like that. I'm much better with one-on-one type stuff. I just think it's a good opportunity.

And, I know I'm not making much sense - I have a lot of things to get finished up and I'm probably forgetting something...

Possibly the easiest soup ever...

2010-04-28T20:31:00.004-04:00

My new favorite at Olive Garden? Chicken & Gnocchi Soup. I love it! And, I just had to make it for myself. So, I took a leap (pretty big for me) and created my own recipe. I'm not gonna lie - I'm kinda proud of myself. It makes me feel like I really can cook. It's gooooooood.... and super quick and easy (don't let the list of ingredients throw you off).

Chicken & Gnocchi Soup (Serves 4)

4 tbsp. (1/2 stick) butter

1 1/2 tbsp. flour

2 chicken bouillon cubes, dissolved in 2 c. boiling water (or 2 c. chicken broth)

1 c. water

8 oz. gnocchi (mine was the Archer Farms brand from Target - found in the pasta aisle)

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 c. light cream

1 c. milk

2 chicken breasts, cooked and cubed (I seasoned mine with a little bit of poultry seasoning, salt, and pepper before cooking)

1 carrot, shredded

8 oz. frozen chopped spinach, thawed

1/4 c. fresh parsley, chopped

1 tbsp. fresh basil (or 1/2 tsp. dried)

1/4 c. grated parmesan cheese

1/4 tsp. each nutmeg, pepper, and salt

* In a large pot, melt butter over medium-high heat. Add flour and make a "paste". Add chicken broth and an additional 1 cup of water. Cook and stir until thickened and boiling, about 2-3 minutes.

* Dump gnocchi into pot; add garlic, and allow to cook for 2 minutes (or, according to cooking time on package). Stir occasionally.

* Reduce heat to medium and stir in light cream and milk. Stir in cooked chicken, carrots, spinach, parsley, basil, parmesan cheese, nutmeg, pepper, and salt. Cook 10 more minutes, or until heated through.

I know, the picture isn't very good - but I'm not very good at taking pictures of food.

This is definitely going to be made a lot next year when the weather is cold. I think the taste is really close to that of Olive Garden's. We love it!

QUOTES!!!!!!

2010-04-26T21:34:00.001-04:00

Here's a secret about me - I kinda love quotes. Like a lot. I may even have a book full of them... Maybe...

"Often when I have prayed I have asked for what I thought was good, and persisted in my petition, stupidly importuning the will of God, and not leaving it to Him to arrange things as He knows is best for me. But when I have obtained what I asked for, I have been very sorry that I did not ask for the will of God to be done; because the very thing turned out not to be as I thought... Do not be distressed if you do not at once receive from God what you ask. He wishes to give you something better - to make you persever in your prayer. For what is better than to enjoy the love of God and to be in communion with Him?"

~ Evagrius the Solitary

"The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest."

~ Thomas Moore

What to do, what to do...

2010-04-21T13:40:00.002-04:00

I need some help. Shawn is working (or sleeping during the day because he's worked all night) about 4 days a week. That leaves me with a lot of free time. I've just about run out of stuff to do. I spend my time with God, watch podcasts and movies, read a lot, and eventually I want to finish my scrapbook of mine and Shawn's dating years (let's just say, I have 1 page done). But, that's not enough. I cook and clean and do laundry and do all the necessary shopping. I go to the gym and exercise at home. I babysit twice a week. Our house is basically done. I play with Libby and take her for walks. Still - many of these things still leave me feeling lonely and/or like I could be using my time more wisely (though I've been getting a lot better with that). And I'm bored. My question is: now what?

I would love to go back to school. I so badly miss it and I miss writing and the required reading. But, we can't afford it (aside from the fact that summer is coming). At least not right now. I think maybe I'm going to have to start teaching myself.

So, what should I start with? I was thinking possibly photography. Maybe this will entice Shawn to get me a new camera? Hehe

Suggestions? Other things to fill my time? I'm at a loss...

"An Angry Community"

2010-04-02T19:01:00.006-04:00

"There is great need in the contemporary world for more Christian anger. We human beings compromise with sin in a way which God never does... If God hates sin, his people should hate it, too." ~ John Stott

This winter, Shawn and I took a Sunday School class that covered the book "Unfashionable" by Tullian Tchividjian. It was a great class - I learned a lot and loved the book. I think "Unfashionable" was a good follow-up to "Crazy Love." It goes a little more in-depth.

Last week I was reading the chapter entitled "An Angry Community" and I just wanted to write down what I got out of it.

Our world needs more God-centered anger (and less self-centered anger)... The world needs to see our anger at evils such as racial violence, genocide, child abuse, drug and sex trafficking, divorce, low educational standards, corporate greed, adultery, and pornography...

God is angry when justice is not sought, when the opressed are not rescued, when the orphan is not defended, and when the widow is not pleaded for. When we see how sin causes human beings to treat each other in undignified, unjust ways, we should be incensed, not indifferent! Since God is angry at sin's devastation, God's people should be, too...

God's anger is a grieving anger. It grieves because it sees the devastation that sin has on human life...

It's as if He asks, "Why do you continue like this? Don't you see that you were created and designed for so much more than this?"

God is grievingly angry when our sin causes us to become less and less of what God created us to be, because we were fearfully and wonderfully made to live for so much more. **Cue Switchfoot song**

This hit me really hard. I am not one for confrontation. I will go out of my way just to avoid it - which often means hiding what I really think and truly feel No, this isn't saying we need to get in people's faces, but it does mean we need to speak the truth in love. People need to know that they are loved with an everlasting love - that God loves us SO much that He sent His one and only Son to die for us. That isn't a small deal. It's HUGE! We need to let them know that this isn't all there is. There's more. More than you, or I, or they can even imagine and comprehend. They need to know that God is angry with the way they are living. Don't offend or hit them over the head with it (ok, sometimes we might offend, but it's all in the way the truth is presented), don't fight them so much that they have no interest in who God is and what He wants for them.

Godly, grieving anger is far different from the kind of anger commonly associated with Christians. Lots of people think of Christians as embittered, angry people, especially in relation to highly charged social issues such as abortion and homosexuality. They view Christians as being frustrated by our culture because things just aren't going our way; our conservative political agenda is being thwarted...

The world so often senses our anger, but do they ever sense our grief? They think we're angry simply because we're not getting our way, but I'm afraid they don't feel our sorrow over sin's negative, dehumanizing effects. We fail to communicate our anger in a way that says, "You were made for so much more than this." They assume our anger is only because we're not getting way we want. No wonder they tune us out.

And to that, I say a resounding, "AMEN!"

Beautiful, Beautiful Song

2010-04-01T19:02:00.005-04:00

"Refine Me" ~ Jennifer Knapp

I come into this place
Burning to receive Your peace
I come with my own chains
From wars I've fought for my own selfish gain

You're my God and my Father
I've accepted Your Son
But my soul feels so empty now
What have I become?

Lord, come with Your fire
Burn my desires, refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please, come and free me
Refine me

My heart can't see
When I only look at me
My soul can't hear
When I only think of my own fears

But they are gone in a moment
You're forever the same
Why did I look away from You
How can I speak Your name?

Lord, come with Your fire
Burn my desires, refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please, come and free me
Come rescue this child
For I long to be reconciled to You

It's all I can do
To give my heart and soul to You, and pray
And pray, oh, I will pray

Refine me, refine me
Refine me, refine me

The First 90 Days of Marriage. So, I'm a little late...

2010-03-19T21:48:00.007-04:00

No, this isn't a post detailing out first 90 days of marriage (which was 3 months ago, woo hoo). I'm reading a book by that title and it's by Eric & Leslie Ludy. Yes, I know I'm reading this book past the time when I "should" be, but I dug it out of the pile in the basement (ask Hannah, she's seen it). It's never too late, right?

Here are my thoughts from the first chapter, so far...

"[Marriage] means giving up your own rights each moment of the day. It means not allowing Satan to creep in and undermine the superheroic power of Christ within by convincing you to cling to your own selfish agenda. It's important to have a clear vision of what you are fighting for so you don't ever become apathetic in your quest for a Christ-centered marriage that stands the test of time."

I just thought this was extremely beautiful and a good reminder. The following statement may come as a shock to you - but I am a very selfish person. *Gasp* I want my own way and it's often hard for me to give up, be it something big or something small. I am struggling with it, but I am trying.

It's a very easy thing to do with Shawn being so easygoing and flexible - neither of which describe me. (I guess this makes us a good fit?) I can be that way, but if he's willing to do what I want - well, who am I to stop him? NOT the right attitude!!!

That's not what marriage is about, I know that. I've always known that. I would assume everyone knows that. Therefore, I'm glad I read this because lately I've been needing this gentle reminder.

In marriage counseling, Pastor Dave had us each write our commitments to each other. Both of us wanted to put our marriage first. I think we've been doing a pretty good job, but it's kind of hard to tell with only 6 months under our belts. Ha! This motivates me to watch and think about what I am doing and what I may be "forcing" Shawn to do. I need to want what he wants.

Yet another thing to work on, but I love it!

Bon Appetit

2010-03-11T23:08:00.003-05:00

I've had a lot more time for reading lately. Oh! That's one plus for all of the "alone time" I've been having lately. I've finished a lot of books, but nothing really of note. Mainly "fluffy" books. I'm not ashamed to admit I like them. But, I do need to start reading something of substance. I think I'll start an Abigail Adams book that Shawn's mom lent to me awhile ago (oops). Now that I've gotten off track...

When I went to the library a few weeks ago, I got a series out by Sandra Byrd. I'm not sure if the series has a name, but the first book is Let Them Eat Cake and I am in the process of reading Bon Appetit. In my down time today, I picked it up to read a chapter and found this quote:

... I prayed and read John 7 & 8. I grinned. Another food analogy.

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink."

I prayed out loud, conversationally, as I got ready for work. "So, Lord, is it because I've never really let myself get parched, always able to satisfy myself with the good gifts You'd given me, that I haven't had a thirst for You?

It occurred to me that... I included God when it was convenient...

And then later in the book:

... he said, "I realized I could fill myself with good things... but the only thing that took away my pain was my faith..."

I smiled... "Until you were hungry, you had not developed the need."

This blew my mind. It's something I've heard and thought about time and time again. I've probably even blogged about it. But, today - this really struck something deep within me.

This is true of me all too often. I fill my life with so many things, people, activities, etc. that I leave no real time with God. Or, when I leave time for Him, it's hurried or I am distracted and unable to concentrate. I think, in our society and culture, it's easy to do this. We fill our lives to the brim and leave ourselves not truly needing God. And, I k know I'm not alone. I fill my life with all of these good things. These things aren't bad, but when they take the place of my need for God - that's not a good thing. Yes, God has chosen to give me these blessings. But, would I still be ok if they were all gone? Would my faith disappear as well? I hope not.

My alone time has given me a lot of time to think. This is something I am working on, but I think I am "getting there" or, at the very least, improving. This is something I need to work on and something I will keep thinking about.

I'm sorry if this seems scattered - when I can think of more to expound on, I will. This just really made me curious and really convicted me, I wanted to bring it up.

September 11, 2009 ~ The Best Day of My Life

2010-03-06T17:47:00.027-05:00

Wow, I just realized that I never blogged about our wedding! I know, most everyone reading this (if not all) was there. But, it's still something I wanted to "write" down. You know, until I record everything in the wonderful memory/scrap book Dan & Heidi got us.

Both the ceremony and the reception were at Top of the Bay in Aberdeen Proving Grounds. Luckily, my uncle is in the Army and we were able to have it there! I found out about the location from the family whose kids I watch (Aidan & Gavin). As many know, it took us quite awhile to find a place. But, as soon as I saw Top of the Bay - I just fell in love.

The plan was to have the ceremony outside overlooking the water (which would have been extremely gorgeous), but that was not to be. The trend of raining on every 'important' day of my life continued. (I figure, when I have my first baby, there will be a monsoon outside. No lie - every I time I want to do anything outside, it pours.) It was rainy, windy, and cold. And, not just any kind of rainy - it was a ridiculous amount of rain (which of course, ended by the time the reception was over). We had to move the ceremony inside (thanks to my mom and Miss Jenny and the groomsmen). It was tight, but everyone fit. I like to think it had a cozy, home-y, living room feel.

Here are my favorite pictures:

~ Before the Wedding ~

Putting the finishing touches on the cake

Sorry, I just had to add another picture of my shoes. I can't wait to wear them again!

Matron of Honor (Amanda) & Maid of Honor (Emily) ~ yes, I know Emily hates this picture (she fell right before it was taken), but it's a memory

Bridesmaids (Tiffany, Marianna, Tara, Sarah, & Kimberly) & Junior Bridesmaid (Caitlin)

Flower Girl #1 (Saige wasn't enjoying the picture-taking process)

Ring Bearer (Aidan - my little buddy)

Flower Girl #2 (Skylar)

Getting ready for their big moment

Best Man (Eric)

Groomsmen (Matt, Carl, Ryan, Brent, Luke, & Zach)

All the nephews (Alex, William, Nathan, Caleb, Grant, Jake, Quinn, Mason, Clark, & Reid)

& All the brothers (Carl, Brent, Ryan, & Eric)

Shawn's Parents

My Parents & My Brother (Matt)

Sisters-in-Law (Tara, Kimberly, & Tiffany) & Niece (Caitlin) & Brothers-in-Law

Yes, we saw each other before we were married...

Praying right before the ceremony began

Ready to become husband & wife

~ At the Ceremony ~

Jessie played before the ceremony & Chris played during

All of the boys and Esther brought me the flowers to make my bouquet

Instead of a receiving line, Shawn & I ushered the guests out ourselves

The whole wedding party

(Tara, Tiffany, Marianna, Sarah, Kimberly, Amanda, Emily, Caitlin, Eric, Zach, Luke, Brent, Ryan, Carl, & Matt).

Yea, that's a lot of people.

~ At the Reception ~

In memory of my grandmother, my grandfather, & Shawn's grandfather

Entering the reception - to "The Imperial March" from Star Wars. I know, I totally caved.

Lighting the Unity Candle

Time to cut the cake (it's a lot harder than it seems)

Eric's Best Man speech

First Dance to "For My Love" by Bethany Dillon. Our friend, Hanna, sang while we danced.

Father/Daughter Dance to "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman

We invited all of the fathers and daughters to dance with us

Dancing with Caitlin (she's so grown-up)

~ Leaving the Ceremony ~

Off to our honeymoon!

I am still amazed by how relaxed I was the day of the wedding. Even the rain didn't bother me. And, that, my friends can only be God. Y'all know I don't take to changes well. But, I woke up not even worried about it. I spent the morning making a photo book online - that's how calm I was. I couldn't even believe it myself. No tears (except of happiness), nothing. Just elation and excitement.

I absolutely LOVED every minute of our wedding. All the planning and the stress was totally worth it. I honestly wouldn't have changed one thing about it. It was very "me" and very "us." Hopefully, it came across that way. We didn't do everything "by the book." And, the biggest compliment that I got was "it wasn't a cookie cutter wedding." Which, I hope was meant in a good way - that's the way I took it. I had such a great time and was surprised by how relaxed I was. Yes, it flew by, but I will always remember every part of it (I guess that's what happens when you're involved in every aspect of the planning). I can only hope our guests had as great a time as we did - and that they thought it was beautiful...

Haiti

2010-02-27T17:39:00.013-05:00

Shawn left for Haiti yesterday morning. He's going down with his work (Shock Trauma) and will be back next Sunday. I'm not sure what they'll be doing - other than the obvious. I'll let you know more updates as I get them but for now, that's all the information I have. That's a little unsettling for me, let me tell you.

I'm excited for him, really, I am. But, I'm also a little jealous. I still have yet to ever go on a missions trip or anything of the sort - something I've wanted to do for a looooooooooooong time. It's something that always weighs heavily on my heart - especially the children in these places. We're not going to Mexico this year either. That's a major disappointment for me, but I'm starting to be ok with it and trying to remember God has some sort of reason for me to not go on a missions trip yet. Grrrrr......

Anyway, Shawn arrived in Haiti around 5 pm on Saturday after a long layover in Miami. He was supposed to be starting at the hospital today, so I can't wait to hear about that.

I'll let you know updates as I get them. It's going to be a loooooooooong week.

Updates:
~ Talked to Shawn a little while ago. He said when they got to Haiti, you just see a ton of rubble and tents that families are living in. There are no buildings really to be seen. Which, I'm sure everyone expected. I am still trying to imagine that much devastation.

He and his team are staying in a house that he says is pretty nice. It sounds like he had a great day at the hospital. Well, as great a day as one can have in a situation like that. They worked from about 7/7:30 to 4:30/5 and I think that will be their typical work day. The people in charge - a Catholic missions group - said that it isn't safe for them to be in the area where the hospital is after 5. While the house they're staying at is in a safe area (though, they aren't allowed to go out alone - only with the whole group), the hospital is in a not-so- great area. I definitely don't like the idea of that, but they have security and all.

He got to drive an ambulance today, which I'm sure he really enjoyed. Ha! And, he said the food is great. Typical American food, basically. I am glad I got to talk to him a lot the last 2 days, but that ends now because T-Mobile ended their free roaming down there. However, the hospital has a phone they can use and the house has Internet and phones as well.

~ Just talked to Shawn. He says they're starting to get "the hang of things" down there. It was a lot busier today than yesterday (as it was a Sunday) and they performed a lot of surgeries. So, not a lot of down time. One man came in at the end of the day because he was having a heart attack, but they couldn't do too much for him as they don't have the resources. Also, because it was the end of the day, they were getting ready to close the hospital. They did what they could, but just had to leave him there in hopes that he'll still be there tomorrow.

He's already very tired, so pray that God will give him strength and keep his energy up. That was about all from this phone call as T-Mobile is no longer offering their free minutes.

Oh, I forgot, he said not to worry - he's taken plenty of pictures of the food he's eaten at the restaurants. I'm not sure why, though, because he's only eaten American food. That's my husband!

~ I talked to Shawn late yesterday afternoon, but not for very long. He said he would estimate that they helped at least 250 people yesterday. (I'm so proud of him) Shawn's been helping people in the part of the "hospital" that is set up for those almost ready to leave (at least, I think - sometimes he uses words I don't understand. I'll ask again tonight). That's about all. He's still having a good time, but still tired and hot. Doesn't know how any would could stay for more than a week (good news for me) as it's just so much and so physically and emotionally draining.

~ Talked to Shawn a little while ago. Says he is getting used to the hours (and being there in general). Had a "real" Haitian meal tonight (fried plantains, rice and beans, and chicken). Today was busier than yesterday. Lots of hernia operations. That's all for now. I, for one, am ready for him to come home.

~ Heard from Shawn around 9. Today he actually worked in triage, because one of the other nurses got sent back to the house (tooth abcess) where they are staying. He'll be coming home Sunday evening around 10 pm or Monday morning around 1 am. I don't like how this keeps getting later. It worries me. There's no chance of him coming home any earlier as all the flights are completely booked. Boooooooo. I'm getting lonely, but only 3 more days!

~ Today Shawn had a patient with menengitis and they had to give him a spinal tap, which he said was really weird to do outside (I'm not sure how this is different than anything else they've been doing all week). He also met this "really cute" little boy who was about 9 years old with no family, saying that something was wrong with his arm. But, when they checked him out, nothing was wrong. He was probably just there for some sympathy, some food, and a place to stay. How sad is that?!? So, Shawn took care of him and let him play with his camera (which the boy absolutely loved) and he started taking pictures of everything. I bet he'll have some pretty interesting ones. Tomorrow should be a shorter day for him - he thinks they'll be done around 1. A new team is coming in tonight or tomorrow morning, so they'll be filling them in and showing them around. Still not sure when he is coming home - may not know until Sunday. Shawn was asked to stay another week, but he declined. Is it wrong that I'm glad about that?

~ Shawn comes home tomorrow! Gets in BWI at 8:40 pm. Probably home by 10 at the earliest. I really wish he was coming home earlier so we could have more time together, but at least I have church to keep me busy for a few hours. I'm so tired of being alone. It's hard to complain, though, once I think about all the people in Haiti. I've had to remind myself about that a lot this week. It hasn't been a horrible week. Kind of a lonely one, though - even with keeping myself as busy as possible. I just can't wait to see him! They had a shorter day today - only worked until about 3. The new team got there just fine and they showed them around a little. Pray for Shawn and his team as they travel home tomorrow, as well as the team that will be taking over for them.

Ahhh... Vacation

2010-02-15T18:44:00.014-05:00

While everyone was battling 2 blizzards in 1 week here in Baltimore, Shawn and I escaped to sunny and (sort of) warm Florida. It was great - both of us were majorly in need of a vacation and some time together. Here are some snapshots:

Mr. Scott's backyard. Mr. Doug, Daddy, & Shawn - waiting for "steak night" to commence

On Sunday, we took a boat ride/tour around Palm Beach

Mr. Doug, Daddy, Shawn, & Kurt - Superbowl Party

AmAzInG Pit Beef

We woke up at 4am to watch the shuttle launch from the beach

Blueberry Pancakes with blueberry syrup and ice cream

Relaxation - thank God!

Swimming - but not much, it was a bit cold

Ahhhhh! The beach!!!!!!
Riding bikes around West Palm Beach

FUN! It was a great time. I absolutely love Florida - I would live there in a second (if Shawn would let us). I am enjoying this "new" part of married life where you can take vacations together. Can't wait til the next one!

Where I am Now

2010-02-01T21:24:00.003-05:00

Let's see... not much has changed since almost a month ago. Life is still semi-crazy, even though I often complain that it's "boring." It's not boring, but when I waste my time (the way I still so often do), that's when I find myself unsatisfied. It's obvious why I'm unsatisfied.

I was reading a book by Karen Kingsbury yesterday (don't criticize my reading choices. I love her) and one of the characters was talking about urgency and her relationship towards Christ. THAT'S what I'm missing - urgency. I love God and I know I am loved by Him. Without a doubt. So, I am asking, where is my sense of urgency?

I'm doing better with spending time with God, but I'm nowhere near being "there." Nowhere. near. It pains my heart. The desire is there, it's just the going about it.

I mean, seriously....

"Born Again"

2010-01-21T13:58:00.003-05:00

This song really spoke to me today:

Born Again - Third Day

Well, today I found myself

After searching all these years

And the man that I saw

He wasn't at all who I thought he'd be

I was lost when You found me here

And I was broken beyond repair

Then You came along

And You sang Your song over me

It feels like I'm born again

It feels like I'm living

For the very first time

For the very first time, in my life

Make a promise to me now

Reassure my heart somehow

That the love that I feel

Is so much more real than anything

I've a feeling in my soul

And I pray that I'm not wrong

That the life I have now

Is only the beginning

If feels like I'm born again

It feels like I'm living

For the very first time

If feels like I'm breathing - It feels like I'm born again

It feels like I'm moving - It feels like I'm living

For the very first time

I wasn't looking for something that was more

Than what I had yesterday

Then You came to me and You gave to me

Life and a love that I've never known, that I never felt before

It feels like I'm born again

It feels like I'm living

For the very first time

I'm living for the first time

It feels like I'm breathing - It feels like I'm born again

It feels like I'm moving - It feels like I'm living

For the very first time

I'm living for the first time

In my life

I think it's just a great reminder of God's steadfastness. And, that's something I need right now. It's also a good example of how our relationship with God grows and changes. And, before we know it - we've moved further or have fallen more in love with Him than we ever could imagine. God surprises us (though, I don't think we should be surprised) by meeting us where we are and coming to our rescue when we least expect it.

2009: AKA The Year That Changed My Life

2010-01-07T21:22:00.000-05:00

Well, Tiff, you win the prize. I am writing a blog about what we talked about a few Sundays ago in Small Groups...

Let's review 2009, shall we?
- Got engaged (though, technically, that was in 2008)
- Began wedding planning
- Was a bridesmaid in Manda's wedding
- Lost 2 grandparents
- Bought a house
- Quit The Limited
- Organized all the final wedding details
- Stopped teaching Sunday School temporarily (after something like 6 years)
- Started working on the house
- GOT MARRIED (September 11, 2009)
- WENT ON HONEYMOON (Boston, Cruise, back to Boston)
- Got a puppy (Libby!)
- First Thanksgiving with Shawn
- First Christmas with Shawn (and Libby)
- First New Years Eve with Shawn (and Eric and Tara's family)

That brings us to 2010. Did I miss anything? Didn't think so... It was a CrAzY year. In many, many good ways. If you know me well (and, even if you really don't), you've probably realized I don't deal so well with change. I can handle it for awhile and keep it bottled up, but eventually it all comes to a head. Usually when someone asks. And, let's just say, someone finally did. Then the sobbing started - and we all know how it goes from there.

My life is in a completely different place than last year. I'm married now. I thought I was adjusting well. Actually, I still think I am adjusting well. Sometimes, though, I just get overwhelmed. Shawn's schedule is somewhat crazy - we don't really know what it will be from week to week. He's decided to pick up an extra day and that doesn't leave a ton of time for "us" - especially with Aidan and Gavin coming twice a week (inevitably, those are the days Shawn usually has off). I'm not complaining, really. The job is great and we're not worried about him losing it - the way so many are these days. I feel lonely a lot, but I'm getting used to it. We've fallen into a rhythm. And, I love being married and a "homemaker" ( I always used to hate that term - until I became one, lol).

I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but there are many days where I feel like I'm doing nothing, don't matter to anyone, and like everyone's lives are more exciting than mine. I'm not always happy the way I should be. Though, I'm almost positive a lot of people feel that way...

It was also a year that started off with me close to God. That's not the case anymore. And that's the change I hate the most. The change I can't handle. I feel like I have failed Him and I feel like all I do is complain. I can't understand that. I'm so blessed. I love my husband. I just feel so far and I'm almost afraid that I can't go back (even though I know it's not the truth). I feel like I am hanging out on a ledge, all alone. It's not true. I just know I'm not where I should be and that kills me. It seems like everyone has their lives together, but I'm falling apart. I know what I need to do. I just don't know how.

Getting married and all the changes aren't meant to be excuses. But, that's what I've been hiding behind. My marriage is important, yes, but shouldn't be without Him. And, in using the busyness (which I'm not so much anymore) as a shield, I've fallen further and further away. I'm not sure I even realized it until last month. I don't know how I missed it. I couldn't be more disgusted and frustrated with myself than I am right now.

I have my resolutions for this year and they're "the usual" ones, so I won't bore you by putting them on here. This is where I am. It's not where I want to be, but I'm working on it. Where I want to be is: close to God, close to my husband, close to my friends. And, I want more excitement. I want to grow in God and into a better woman. I want to be happy. These things will take time and effort. I just need to get off my butt. And pray. A LOT!

Is it strange that, as much as I don't do well with change, that's always what I want...

P.S. You might have missed it in all this, but I do love being married and I love my husband. I know I am blessed. I know I am loved by God and I know this will eventually get "figured out."

Christmas is Not About You

2009-12-24T23:31:00.000-05:00

So, here I sit - the night before Christmas. I'm probably the only person blogging tonight, but I'm running out of things to do. Shawn is working, the presents are wrapped, laundry is done, etc. etc...

Tonight, I realized something important. Christmas isn't about me. Of course, I've always known that. But I don't always act like it. I was very proud of myself this year. I had the "Christmas spirit" (whatever that actually is), got everything done early, and was excited. I'm guessing that this being my first Christmas with Shawn has had a lot to do with it. In the past, Christmas has felt like just another day. Not this year. I was ready. I GOT IT! I've been trying so hard to keep my focus on the real meaning of Christmas and actually thinking about the reason we celebrate Christmas. But, I guess I still lost the real truth in all of this.

As I was getting ready for church, all I could think about was how much I loved my new dress and how good I was going to try to look. I've been really insecure lately (put on a few pounds in all the busyness - lots of fast food and pizza) and I was finally feeling like maybe I wasn't hideous. Be honest, you all know what I mean. I'm almost positive we've all been there. I love, love, loved this dress. Shawn loved the way it looked on me (and I don't get reactions from him often). I was rocking that red dress. I got everything into the car and was adjusting the driver's seat when I heard a dreaded tearing sound. Looking over, I realized that the zipper had completely split apart (too much information, maybe?). Me being, well, me, burst into tears while running into the house to find something acceptable to wear (thank God I love fancy dresses, lol).

By the time I found something (it took a few tries - like I said, a few pounds), I was going to be late for church. I hate being late, but that's beside the point. I called Shawn and told him everything and then yelled at him for having to work. Not my best moment. And not fair to him. In all honesty, I'm not mad at him at all. He's going to be making good money the next two nights and we're celebrating Christmas on the 26th. I am VERY excited! I am, however, disappointed that I'm spending Christmas Eve and Christmas night alone (besides Libby).

On the drive to church, I realized something. I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at myself (as is often the case). I'd forgotten why I was going to church. To celebrate the birth of my Savior. Not for people to tell me they liked my dress. *Shock of all shocks* Maybe, in this small scenario, God was trying to tell me my focus really wasn't in the right place this evening. Christmas isn't about me. It seems basic and this whole issue is trivial. I know that, but maybe I'm not alone in feeling this way. I clearly needed something to change my focus and, believe me, it did.

So, tonight, I sit here thinking about this. Refocusing myself. Looking at the Christmas tree. And remembering why I'm here. Why you're here. Why we're here. It's all for Him!

Merry Christmas from Andi & Shawn (and Libby, too)!

Labor of Love

2009-12-19T21:24:00.000-05:00

I love Christmas music, don't you? It's so cheerful and fun - well, mostly.

This year, I've been thinking a lot about Mary and trying to imagine what it must have been like for her. The following song made me picture it best. It's called "Labor of Love" and it's by Andrew Peterson:

It was not a silent night, there was blood on the ground

You could hear a woman cry in the alleyway that night, on the streets of David's town

And the stable was not clean and the cobblestones were cold

And little Mary, full of grace,

With the tears upon her face,

Had no mother's hand to hold

It was a labor of pain, it was the cold sky above

But, for the girl on the ground in the dark,

With every beat of her beautiful heart,

It was a labor of love

Noble Joseph by her side, callused hands and weary eyes

No midwives to be found, on the streets of David's town, in the middle of the night

So he held her and he prayed, shafts of moonlight on his face

But the baby in her womb, He was the Maker of the moon

He was the Author of the faith, that could make the mountains move

It was a labor of pain, it was the cold sky above

But, for the girl on the ground in the dark,

With every beat of her beautiful heart,

It was a labor of love

For little Mary, full of grace,

With tears on her face,

It was a labor of love

It was not a silent night,

On the streets of David's town

I love, love, LOVE this song! I think it paints the clearest picture of Mary and what she must have gone through (not that I would know). As I sat and listened to this song, I wanted to cry and jump up and down at the same time. Mary...

She was probably 14 or 15 years old. Last year (23), I couldn't imagine having a kid. That's a lot of years I had on Mary. To be that young? To follow God's call? Unimaginable. And yet, at the same time, I want to have that much courage. That much faith.

Do I?

These thoughts are running through my head this year. I can't believe what Mary went through. Of course, there are times when I think my life is "difficult," but it's not. Not like that.

Mary might have had no idea what was happening to her or understood pregnancy. Laying on a cold ground and not knowing what was going on? Dreadful. She went through so much to bring us our Savior. Mary was just so young. So inexperienced. So scared. And yet, she went through this. For me. For you. For us.

That just brings me to tears. Tears of greatfulness. Tears of shame. Tears of love. I wish I could know her. I wish I had her courage.

I. wish. I. had. her. faith.

I wish I were more eloquent in writing this, but I don't even have the words. I just can't imagine what she went through - at 24 I'm not sure I could handle it. I don't know that I could do it. I sat and tried to think about how I would react if I heard I was going to give birth to Jesus, the Savior of the nations, the giver of Life and Freedom... And, I couldn't.

All I could be was so greatful for Mary and her strength. For believing when she probably didn't even understand what was happening to her. For giving birth to my Lord.

She amazes me. And, this holiday season, I'm trying to think about how I want to be like her...

One Room is Done!

2009-11-24T21:37:00.000-05:00

Well, we only have one room really done in our house right now. Pretty much everything else is "in progress." It's getting frustrating, but really, it's just little stuff. I wish I knew how to do more, though, because I feel like I just sit around a lot (even though I know I really don't).

So, here is the front of our house and living room. Enjoy the fall decorations - they're coming down on Saturday.

Going out on a date. I love going out with Shawn! We don't get to very often because of our schedules (well, mostly his).

While it might not seem exciting or like much to you, I love it. I think our living room is cozy and there's a pretty good amount of room for entertaining (which we'll one day start doing) and playing Wii (ha!). I'd love to show you the picture of our bookshelf, Blogger doesn't feel like letting me. It's still my favorite part of the house.

Hopefully there will be more pictures to come soon...

Meet Libby: Part 2

2009-11-16T21:49:00.000-05:00

Well, Libby has been with Shawn and I for about 2 months now - since the day after we got back from our honeymoon. She's just so adorable and sweet. Now, anyway. It took a few weeks for me to actually like her. Cleaning up pee and poop got old really fast - as did her not listening to me. I'm not sure how Brent and Tiffany took care of a whole litter of puppies. One almost did me in.

Yes, Shawn tried to warn me that a puppy wasn't easy and that they could (quite frankly) be pretty annoying. I still didn't know what to expect as I never really had a pet (besides a bunny) growing up. I've always wanted a puppy.

Here are some quick pictures... She's gotten big pretty quickly.

Aidan attempted to take Libby on her first walk. We didn't get very far and I'm surprised he didn't strangle her.

Just look at those big, sad eyes. She's even turned Shawn into an old softie.

This is my favorite picture.

Her second walk at the Gunpowder went a little better - even if she did throw up 3 times there and once on the way home.

And, this is definitely the funniest. She climbed into Gavin's exersaucer all on her own. I looked away for a minute, and I still can't figure out how she got herself in there.

Brent, Tiffany, and family (probably mostly Caitlin) got this dress for Libby and I put it on her when they came to visit last week. Shawn's not such a huge fan of it - he wouldn't even take her outside to go to the bathroom with it on...
Finally calmed down and asleep. It takes a lot to wear Libby out and now that she can get on the sofa by herself, she thinks she owns the place.

I guess Libby's our "kid" for now. Heaven help me, I think I've become one of "those dog people". I have her Christmas present (chew toys) in our bedroom to prove it.

Hmmm...

2009-11-08T21:49:00.000-05:00

I read this last night in preparation for Sunday School. I found it in Crazy Love (yes, I finally got back to reading it) and it's really made me think.

"The critical question for our generation - and for every generation - is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness and with all the friend you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"

~ John Piper, God is the Gospel

Honestly? I read the first part and was like, "Wow, that sounds pretty great to me!" Then I got to the last phrase and it literally stopped me in my tracks (so to speak). I couldn't even answer it with a definitive "yes" and that just made me so ashamed. How could I even think about being satisfied without Christ? Isn't that the whole point? Or, at least, shouldn't it be?

I know I love Christ, but I need to work on making Him a priority. And, I know I can't possibly be truly happy or satisfied without Him. So, why did this even make me hesitate? I don't have the answer to that, but I now know what I need to work on.

As we talked about today, "What is my motive for following Christ?"

You Like?

2009-11-08T19:54:00.001-05:00

So, after five years of waiting - I finally took the plunge. And did this...

I finally cut my hair! I'd been growing it out for about five years since Shawn and I started dating. (Yes, I knew we were going to get married that soon - lol). I was really nervous about it, because I've only had short hair one time in my life and that was a disaster. But, I've been dying to do something different. Even though I love my curly hair, there isn't too much you can do to make it look different.

Shawn got tired of my complaining about how I never get to do anything different and told me, "you have to just do it, your hair will grow back, blahblahblah." Of course, he doesn't really care what I choose to do, but I did the push. I mean, everything else in my life has changed in the past year. So, why not this small thing too?

The result? I aboslutely LOVE it! For once I feel like I really got my money's worth. It only takes 15 minutes to do - a major plus.

Whaddaya think?

"Fancy Cheese Fondue"

2009-10-08T15:46:00.001-04:00

I haven't made too many meals so far. At least, not anything requiring a recipe. But, Shawn & I (ok, mostly I) have decided that Fridays or Saturdays are going to be "dip & movie nights." It's something easy, but if you know Shawn - that's what he likes the most. Our first week home, I decided to try fondue since I love The Melting Pot. Shawn's not a huge fan since everything takes "too long." He does like the cheese fondue, though, so I thought I would try to make something similar that would hopefully taste as good (and be a good bit cheaper).

I found a recipe for Fancy Cheese Fondue on another woman's blog (she blogged a new Crock-Pot recipe every day for a year - can you believe that?!?). It seemed easy enough and (obviously) didn't need an actual fondue pot - major plus, since we don't have one.

This recipe is made for a small fondue pot ("The Little Dipper"), but we quadrupled it and made it the big Crock-Pot since we were eating it as our meal.

Here ya go:

1/4 cup each of three "fancy" cheeses (we used Swiss & Gruyere, Sharp White Cheddar, and Mozzarella & Provolone)

1/4 cup white wine (I just bought the cheapest white wine they had at the liquor store)

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

* Shred the hard cheese and put them in the Crock Pot. Add the cheese. Pour in the white wine and sprinkle the nutmeg on top. No need to stir - it will melt together.

* Plug in the Little Dipper. Cook for 45 minutes, then stir. Cover again and heat until cheese is melted and bubbly.

* Shawn and I ate the fondue with apples, pretzels, nachos, carrots, and French bread. Soooooooo good!

We're Baaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!

2009-09-23T21:54:00.000-04:00

Well, folks, the honeymoon was simply amazing. There will, of course, be pictures of both the honeymoon and the wedding eventually. Not yet, though - I promised a friend Shawn and I would bring her dinner and show her the pictures. And, since she has a Facebook - I can't be putting the pictures up here. It wouldn't be as much fun for her to see them twice. So, next week it shall be. I'm excited to see them all myself :)

As I was saying... the honeymoon was great! The weather was gorgeous, the views were beautiful, and it was so much fun. It was pretty wonderful being "disconnected" from everyone. Of course, there was the stray text message. *Ahem, Amanda & Caleb* But, it was nice not replying (sorry, guys) - the phone was only on in case Shawn & I should get separated. And, yes, I checked Facebook to see if anyone had put up pictures of the wedding (I had to know what I looked like!) and to put up some pictures that Shawn & I took ourselves. But, since I can do that from my phone by a simple text message and since I did while we were waiting for the subway - I don't think that really counts.

I loved being just with Shawn for 9 days straight. Because of his job, we usually didn't have more than 2 or 3 days together a week. So, it was great - just the 2 of us. I'd break into that old 90's song by Will Smith, but I don't think anyone wants that.

Now we're home, and already I am stressed out - trying to set up the house. My house. Our house. It's still weird to think of it like that sometimes, but it really feels like mine now that I'm actually here for more than a few hours a day. I'm trying to get everything ready as soon as possible, so that way it can be done. Libby (the new puppy) is adding a little bit of extra stress. She likes Shawn better and doesn't listen to me too well. We're hoping to change that.

I guess I'll end this rambling post now - I just wanted to do a "quick" update for y'all now that I am home...

Regret

2009-09-08T12:21:00.000-04:00

"Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." ~ C. S. Lewis

This is a quote I recently found in one of the books I was reading. It took a few times of reading it through before I fully grasped the Truth in it. What we have here is nothing compared to what we will have when we meet Jesus...

"Love for a Lifetime: Building a Marriage That Will Go the Distance"

2009-09-01T08:47:00.001-04:00

I (finally) finished Love for a Lifetime by Dr. James Dobson. What should have been an "easy" read, took me two months to finish. I guess I have been a little busy lately. Y'all have NO idea how I miss having time to read and/or being able to focus on what I am reading. Not fun!

One of the earliest quotes in the book is:

"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined... to strengthen each other... to be at one with each other in silent, unspeakable memories."

~*~ George Eliot ~*~

I love this quote - I really do. I hope this is true for our marriage. I really want that, but I know it's a hard thing to learn and grow together. It will take some time. At least, that's the way it seems. I can't wait!

Later in the book, Dr. Dobson talks about a prayer his father prayed after they had spent some time with him:

And, Lord, we want to thank You for the fellowship and love that we feel for each other today. This has been such a special time for us... But heavenly Father, we are keenly aware that the joy that is ours today is a temporal pleasure. Our lives will not always be this stable and secure. Change is inevitable and it will come to us, too. We will accept it when it comes, of course, but we give You praise for the happiness and warmth that has been ours these past few days. We have had more than our share of good things, and we thank You for Your love. Amen.

I love how Dobson sums it up a few paragraphs later:

"Thank you, God, for what we have... which we know we cannot keep"...

If only we realized how brief our time on this earth is, then most of the irritants and frustrations that drive us apart would seem incredibly insignificant and petty. We have but one life to live, yet we contaminate it with bickering and insults and angry words. If we fully comprehended the brevity of life, our greatest desire would be to please God and to serve one another. Instead, the illusion of permanence leads us to scrap and claw for power and demand the best for ourselves.

This is true in any relationship. We're all incredibly selfish and always striving to make ourselves seem better than anyone else. And why? We're here for such a short time - why waste it on instant gratification? That's not going to get us anywhere. And, it's definitely not going to get us any further into God's kingdom. Loving God isn't about loving ourselves - it's about loving Him and, I believe, sharing that love with others.

Relationships aren't about ourselves. They're about being there for others by helping and loving each other along. In addition, happiness isn't really brought on by what we have, who we're friends with, who we're in a relationship with, or in what we're doing.

One of the last things Dr. Dobson says is, "Try not to care so much about every minute detail that separates you and your loved ones... Hold loosely to life and keep yourself free of willful and deliberate sin. That's the key to happiness." That is how I want my relationship with Shawn to be. I don't want it to be about myself and picking fights with him. I want it to be about loving him the best that I can. The little stuff that I so often make important, really isn't. What really matters is my relationship with God and how I love Shawn.

The Past Few Days

2009-08-26T13:21:00.000-04:00

I've kind of lost track of exactly how many days we've had the house. The following are just pictures from yesterday. I did some more cleaning, a little bit more decorating, and spent a lot of wishing I knew more about decorating.

<~~ We finally got a tv! I'm so glad it was free - a new one is definitely something we can't afford

<~~ Dave & Mel gave us their old dining room table. Another blessing.

<~~ Basket I bought for the living room to put blankets and pillows. I thought it was a good idea.

<~~ Shawn ripped out the bar. We got a moveable island from Ikea and he's going to add a little more counterspace (butcher block, of course). Hopefully we'll get started on the painting in the next few days.

Well, there you have it. A little more progress. We've gotten the office and the bedroom painted, but I forgot to take pictures of them. I am drained by the end of pretty much every night. Between the wedding and the house, I'm beginning to feel like I'm running in circles. I feel like a lot is happening, but nothing is really getting done. I just want to crawl into bed, have everything finished for me, and have my wedding day be here.

1 Refinished End Table

2009-08-21T11:47:00.000-04:00

As I've said many times before, Shawn & I have been scouring yard sales almost every weekend to look for furniture and other items for our house. We're cheap - what can I say? Plus, I enjoy doing things myself (mostly).

Anyway, last week, I finished up this table that we found. It was old and beat up, but only $3. Yay!

We decided to paint it and get new hardware for it, hoping that it would look more modern and fit better with our other furniture (and with what I had in mind for the living room).

<~~ That's Shawn's concentrating face

Now for the finished product...

I'm pretty happy with it. It got a few nicks and scratches on the trip over to the house, but nothing a few touchups can't fix. What do you think?

Days 2, 3, 4, & 5

2009-08-13T09:42:00.000-04:00

A lot has gotten done since our first day. Would you like to see some more? These are just from last week.

This is what the color looks like after the second coat. Less robin's egg and more colonial - just what I was looking for! I love it!

Luke bought us a new lock. Great idea, because we don't know who might have keys to our house. Plus, having a combination seems cool...

Yes, I know - it's odd to have a picture of the refrigerator. But, if you'd seen how it looked before, you would understand. Now it sparkles. Well, as much as a refrigerator can.

I love this picture from our deck - I can't wait to sit out there someday. You know, once we get furniture, etc. How do you like our couch cushions. LOL

Our mortgage company sent us each a fruit basket. This was great, because I'd been eating fast food almost every day for a week.

Day 2 A little more progress

I'm trying to sort all of our things by room. That way, as we get them done, I don't have to keep running back and forth and/or digging through boxes to find what I need.

Toy Closet Laundry Closet

So, that's that. I am frustrated that I can't do more. I feel like I'm bossing Shawn around all the time not really helping myself. Unfortunately, there's just not a lot I know how to do.

Slow-Cooker Pizza

2009-08-13T09:03:00.001-04:00

If you're going to be a Trautman - it's almost a requirement that you have to be able to cook in a Crock-Pot. I'm only half kidding. Without a Crock-Pot, family parties would be nearly impossible. So, I was ecstatic when Miss Denise got me one for my church shower and Mel got me a travel one as well (score!). With Shawn and I being at the house a lot, I wanted to take over some meals so that we don't have to eat out every night. This was a good solution as we don't really have use of our kitchen, since we're remodeling it. I make everything at home, then I take it up to the house to heat. The first (and only, so far) meal I made was Slow-Cooker Pizza from the Fix-It and Forget-It Cookbook. Here's the recipe:

1 1/2 lbs. ground beef (I used ground turkey)

1 medium onion, chopped

1 green pepper, chopped

half a box rigatoni, cooked

7 oz. jar sliced mushrooms, drained (I skipped this, because I hate mushrooms)

3 oz. sliced pepperoni (I used turkey pepperoni, because I don't like regular as much)

16 oz. jar pizza sauce

10 oz. mozzarella cheese, shredded

10 oz. cheddar cheese, shredded

1) Brown ground beef and onions in saucepan. Drain. (I undercooked it a little, so that it wouldn't get dry in the pot)

2) Layer half of each of the following, in the order given, in slow cooker: ground beef and onions, green pepper, noodles, mushrooms (ew), pepperoni, pizza sauce, cheddar cheese, and mozarella cheese. Repeat layers.

3) Cover. Cook on Low 3-4 hours.

Note: Keep rigatoni covered with sauce so they don't become dry and crunchy.

I have heard some say they don't like noodles in the Crock-Pot because they get "mushy." However, I cooked the noodles a few minutes less, so that they wouldn't get that way from sitting in the pot and soaking up the sauce. That definitely worked - the meal was delicious! Not as good as actual pizza, of course, but it was certainly cheaper - lol. The only thing that would have made it better would have been my mom's homemade sauce instead of sauce from a jar. But, I haven't had the time to learn how to make that yet.

1 Month to Go...

2009-08-11T13:40:00.000-04:00

It finally sunk in the other night (while I was lying in bed) that I am getting married in 4 weeks! This past year flew by - really. I can't believe that in just 1 month I am going to be (another) Mrs. Trautman. It's weird, everyone said this year would seem really long for me. It had been the complete opposite. I don't regret waiting a year to get married. It wouldn't have been good if we'd done it sooner. The year was perfect for us. We got a lot done and were able to save in some ways and be more prepared.

I panicked the other night, though. I thought I was going to have a full-blown attack. One month?!?! I'm ready, yes. But, there's so much still to be done. And, with the new house, I haven't even cared about the wedding - much less even thought about it much. I'm very frustrated with myself for pushing it all to the side. This is not the way I typically do things - I am organized and detailed. i don't leave things until the last minute.

But, this has worn me out. And, now I am so afraid it won't all get done. It doesn't even seem possible. I feel like I could dissolve into a puddle of tears at any second...

Day 1 of Remodeling

2009-08-05T08:16:00.000-04:00

Monday morning at 12 pm, Shawn and I officially became homeowners! It's a little scary, but right now - I am so excited. I think shawn even is, too - and, trust me, that's hard :P

I absolutely LOVE the house and I can't wait to make it ours. This is what we did on Day 1...

Shawn, my parents, Matty, & I each filled up our cars and took a lot of our shower gifts, etc. over to the house. The storage room is almost full and I really am dying to get that sorted out. Tiffany, Cait, Grant, Jake, & Quinn came over to help. We got the kitchen halfway cleaned and covered all 3 bathrooms (the 3rd one was gross). At one point, I walked into the living room and this is what I saw:

The living room being painted!!!

It literally took an hour for the walls to get painted. Amazing - I couldn't believe it! Shawn had planned on doing it, but I really didn't have any faith that it would get done. Now, it just needs a second coat and the trim has to be done. But, that won't take as long now that everything is taped. I love the color! It's going to be beautiful - I just hope I can decorate well.

Later that night, Eric, Tara, Mason, Clark, Reid, Saige, and Shawn's parents came over to see the house and to hang out. So, that was a welcome break. After they left, I finished putting a few things away and scrubbed the basement.

It feels good to have a relatively clean house. I just need to finish the kitchen and clean the bedrooms upstairs. I know I'll have to clean it again before we move in, but it just makes me feel more able to relax. I know Shawn thinks I'm crazy, but I can live with that.

Thanks to everyone who came! It really means a lot to us! And, y'all can come over whenever - we're going to be in and out a lot...

"A Proper Tea is Much Nicer Than a Very Nearly Tea, Which is One You Forget About Afterwards." ~ A. A. Milne

2009-08-04T11:30:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, Miss Denise took Tiffany, Caitlin, Kimberly, Esther, and myself to Tea by Two in Bel Air. I had never been there and I was so excited to go (you can ask Shawn - he'll tell you). Everything was so pretty and, yes, the sandwiches and soup were delicious. The tea was amazing and the scones (with fresh whipped cream and lemon curd) were even better :)

It was such a special treat. I even left with scone mix and some tea for myself. Now, I'm going to have to have tea with my nieces - especially since I got a tea pot at my shower and have a silver tea set. I can't wait!

My Best Yard Sale Purchase Yet!

2009-07-28T12:28:00.000-04:00

Mom & I went yard saling (how do you even spell that?) this past Saturday and I found a lot of stuff - for under $20. That's a great bargain, if you ask me.

Here's what I got:

Scattegories, glass canisters and jars, a trifle bowl, a pitcher (one we had actually registered for) that came with 2 margarita glasses, and a biscuit cutter.

But that's not all... I still haven't showed you my favorite purchase. It's this:

This beautiful memo board / organizer from Pottery Barn. It was only $10 and had never been used. Now, you know that they cost so much more at Pottery Barn. I love it. It suits my compulsive organization well. It's perfect. *Sigh*

I love yard sales! One more week of it before we have a house and then I'll be busy getting that ready... We settle on Monday!!!

"Lord, I Want to Yearn for You..."

2009-07-27T21:34:00.000-04:00

Listen to this song! It's amazing and it could be my new favorite of the moment. It's a beautiful song sung to God. Full of passion... Here are the words. Think about them. Pray them. Live them.

Yearn ~ Shane & Shane (with Bethany Dillon)

Holy design

This place and time

That I might seek Your face, my God

My God

Lord, I want to yearn for You

I want to burn with passion

Over You, and only You

Lord, I want to yearn for You

I want to burn with passion

Over You, and only You

I want to yearn for You

Your joy is mine

Yet, why am I fine

With all my singing and bringing grain

In light of Him?

Oh, You give life and breath

In You we live and move

That's why I sing

Meet Libby...

2009-07-27T08:27:00.000-04:00

... our new puppy!

She's going to be so much fun. Ok, I know nothing about training a puppy, but I'll learn. I've never had a pet before, so I'm pretty excited :)

Thank You So Much...

2009-07-23T13:33:00.000-04:00

I've now had my wedding shower. I was completely blown away that so many people would show up for me. It was a little overwhelming, but I had a good time. The shower definitely wasn't as intimidating as I had thought it would be.

We got many of the things we registered for and had very few duplicates. Our kitchen is going to be well-stocked with all of our new "toys." I can't wait to use them all! Shawn's going to be kept happy with all the food I'll be making for him ;)

Here are some snapshots:

Thank you to everyone who came. Shawn and I both so appreciate it. You'll never understand how much each of you have meant to us. You've blessed us in so many ways.

Thank you!!!

Jessie & Ben's Wedding: July 11th, 2009

2009-07-21T13:57:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, July 11th, my childhood friend (she still is, too), Jessie, got married to Ben Weaver. It was an exciting day! I couldn't be happier for her. I don't know Ben well (ok, at all), but she is happy and that is what matters. I know she made a great choice!

The wedding was GORGEOUS! Here are the pictures (or, some of them):

Jessie & Mr. Mark

The reception was at Willow Valley

I loved the centerpieces - I even took ours home :)

Candy station

I love this picture of the flower girls peeking over the balcony!

Wedding Party Maid of Honor

Cake Cutting Bouquet Toss

Time to Leave Matching shoes!

I can't believe Jessie's married! We used to be practically inseparable when we were younger (even though we're 3 years apart) and now we're both getting married and moving with our lives. So grown up - lol!

Martha Stewart Really DOES Know What She's Doing

2009-07-21T08:42:00.000-04:00

I haven't been cooking much lately - I've pretty much been going non-stop since the 4th of July. But, Mom got a bunch of blueberries from my grandfather and I had to make something. I found this recipe online for Martha Stewart's Blueberry Muffins. They were a little more time-consuming to make than other recipes I have made, but sooooo much more rewarding. Big, fluffy, and DELICIOUS!

Ingredients:
Makes 1 dozen
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for pan
2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pan
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups fresh blueberries
1 1/4 cups sugar
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Generously butter a standard 12-cup muffin pan and dust with flour, tapping out excess; set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt. Working over the bowl, toss blueberries in a fine sieve with about 1 1/2 teaspoons flour mixture to lightly coat; set aside the flour mixture and the blueberries.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, or using a handheld mixer, beat butter and 1 cup sugar on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time, beating until combined. Mix in vanilla.

With the mixer on low speed, add reserved flour mixture, beating until just combined. Add milk, beating until just combined. Do not overmix. Using a rubber spatula, fold in the blueberries. Divide batter evenly among the prepared muffin cups. If desired, in a small bowl, mix together remaining 1/4 cup sugar and nutmeg. Sprinkle sugar mixture on top of muffin batter.

Bake, rotating pan halfway though, until muffins are golden brown and a cake tester inserted in the center of one muffin comes out clean, about 30 minutes. Transfer pan to a wire rack to cool 10 minutes. Turn muffins on their sides in their cups, and let cool. Serve warm or at room temperature.

"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan

2009-07-16T11:03:00.000-04:00

So, I've decided to stop reading Breaking Free by Beth Moore. I just never really got into it and I was getting frustrated with it. Now I am reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. This morning I read the Foreword by Chris Tomlin (y'all have to know how much I like him) and the Preface by Mr. Chan, himself.

From the sound of it, it will be a very convicting book. This is both good (because I know I need it) and bad (because it's never "fun"). I am excited to get more into it. And, you know 'll write more about it on here - lol.

Here's something I didn't know (from the Foreword by Chris Tomlin):

"Isn't it interesting that in Acts 11, at the end of verse 26, it says, 'The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch'. What I find interesting is the simple thought that the Christians didn't name themselves. But rather, they were called (or named) 'Christians' by those watching their lives. I wonder if it would be the same today. Could someone look at your life or look at my life and name me a Christian? A humbling question for sure."

I can't wait to read more about this book and I would, however, it's time for work...

To just read the Bible, attend church, and avoid "big" sins - is this passionate, wholehearted love for God? ~ Francois Fenelon

Let Freedom Ring

2009-07-09T14:01:00.000-04:00

Everyone who knows me probably knows that 4th of July is my favorite holiday - even more than Christmas, for sure. I love the hot weather (well, when it's not raining) and my family probably has more 4th of July traditions than anything else.

The last few years, it's rained (not that that's ever stopped us from doing too much). And, last year Shawn was working. So, I was more excited than normal - imagine that - this year. We always have the busiest day, but it is always so much fun and we don't mind "bouncing around" from one place to the next.

For almost as long as I can remember, we begin our day at Mr. Doug's for breakfast. My parents, Mr. Lou, and Mr. Doug break out the charcoal grills and cook eggs, ham, bacon, and sausage while everyone else brings fruit, pastries, donuts, etc. It's delicious and fun to do something different while we wait for the Kingsville Parade to begin. I think this year Mom said we had 90 people!

Ping, Amy, Kendelle, & David found a frog and named him Johan Yo (for real)

After eating a ton of breakfast foods (which I hate any other day of the year), we watch the Parade. Shawn and I both opted out of participating in the Open Bible float this year - he was tired from working a lot and I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could, after not seeing him for about a week. I guess since we've been in the parade the last few years, I didn't really remember the parade was kind of boring and loooong. It was still fun, though :)

That's what Shawn did during the parade

Next up: the Myers's cookout. This was their 26th year holding it, so that's been one of our traditions since even before I was born. It's always a lot of fun to see people I don't often see.

Shawn & Zach won the water balloon toss

After that cookout, it was on to another one at Chris & Heather's house. This cookout was for our small groups. I was excited to talk to everyone (even though I see them every Sunday), because I haven't been able to go yet this summer and I miss being in the more casual setting with everyone.

Cornhole: I am NOT good at that game

Playing "Signs"

Our last "event" of the day was the fireworks in Bel Air with Eric & Tara, Shawn's parents, and Ryan. Yes, I STILL have to go see them every year. The last few years it has rained and the results of the fireworks have been less than stellar due to the rain and our location. However, this year, we found the perfect spot. It was lots of fun and, yes, the fireworks are still amazing (in my mind, anyway)!

That's my favorite kind of firework

Well, that pretty much wraps up our day - though we did go to Waffle House with Eric and Tara after the fireworks were finished. I really think this was my best 4th of July. I know, I know - I'm such a dork. But, it really was a fun and relaxing day (if you can believe the relaxing part) and a nice break from doing "the usual.

Slight Snags in the Plans

2009-07-08T17:56:00.001-04:00

So, two things are kind of freaking me out right now:

1) Things with the house might not be as "final" as we thought. Shawn & I met with a "mortgage guy" (what are they called) on Monday and found out that the down payment is going to be more than we had expected. A lot more. Meaning: we can't possibly come up with that amount of money in a month. That was a shock to me. I mean, I knew nothing was definite but I also didn't know quite how precarious it all was. It's not anyone's fault, I guess. Now I'm afraid it might not all work out.

2) I got an e-mail from the lady at Top of the Bay who is supposed to be handling and taking care of everything for the wedding. This e-mail told me that she didn't know we had wanted the ceremony to be at Top of the Bay as well as the reception. That is NOT something I wanted to hear about 8 weeks before the wedding! I'm scared that she might be confused about everything and that nothing will be done. If I hadn't e-mailed her to ask her a question about the ceremony, I might not have known about this issue. Can you imagine my showing up there that day and being told they didn't know I was coming? This had better all get straightened out.

There are less than 70 days until we get married and I am borderline freaking out...

This Month's Song

2009-07-07T17:08:00.000-04:00

"Keep Quiet"

BarlowGirl

All the things I've sacrificed

So that I could bring You to this world

I want them to see You in me

But Your name just keeps them far from me

So I'll keep quiet

Let's hope they see I'm different

Jesus, Jesus why's Your name so offensive?

Why are we so scared to tell this world You've saved us

When all of the hope of the world's in Your name

Why are we so scared to say

Oh, Jesus

If I avoid to speak Your name

Tell me would You do the same to me

If relevance becomes my goal

Tell me will I lose You to its hold

But, if I keep quiet, they'll never see I'm different

Jesus, Jesus why's Your name so offensive?

Why are we so scared to tell this world You've saved us

When all of the hope of the world's in Your name

Why are we so scared to say

Oh, Jesus

I'm sorry I cared about my name more than Yours

I'm so sorry, how could I hide You anymore

But if I keep quiet

They'll never see I'm different

Jesus, Jesus, why's Your name so offensive?

Why are we so scared to tell this world You've saved us

When all of the hope of the world's in Your name

Why are we so scared to say

Oh, Jesus

The Day Trip Adventures Continue...

2009-07-01T11:06:00.000-04:00

Shawn and I had another day off together! It was great, because I hadn't really seen him for about a week. This time, we headed for the Baltimore Zoo. I hadn't been since I was in 11th or 12th grade (6 or 7 years ago). Shawn, of course, wasn't as excited as me. But, when is he ever - lol!

We started off at the Prairie Dogs...

I wanted to take one home with me - then Shawn reminded me they're basically squirrels.

Here we are at the...

Which I really didn't enjoy. It creeped me out a little, but it was Shawn's favorite.

And, here is the abandoned Pepsi can Shawn wanted to carry with us and put in every picture... but I wouldn't let him (except for the next picture), because that's just dirty.

Here are some of the animals we saw...

It was fun! Some day when we have more time, I want to go to the National Zoo in Washington, DC. The day was a nice break from constantly thinking about the wedding (72 days!).

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

2009-06-25T14:36:00.000-04:00

I found this passage in Every Woman's Marriage: Igniting the Joy and Passion You Both Desire by Shannon and Greg Ethridge and I really liked it. So, of course, I thought I would share:

We must not enter marriage predominantly to be fulfilled, emotionally satisfied, or romantically charged, but rather to become more like Jesus Christ. We must embrace the reality of having our flaws exposed to our partner, and thereby having them exposed to us as well. Sin never seems quite as shocking when it is known only to us; when we see how it looks or sounds to another, it is magnified ten times over. The celibate can "hide" frustration by removing herself from the situation, but the married man or woman has no true refuge. It is hard to hide when you share the same bed...

In my conversations with women who are already married - something to this effect has almost always come up in the conversation. It's hard for me to think that Shawn will know all of me once we are married. He's going to see all my good and my bad days, all my pretty and not so pretty qualities and quirks, and my thoughts, hopes, and dreams. It's a little disconcerting, but I know that it will be good and that we will both grow. It is my hope that we will both encourage each other to become more like Christ.

First Look

2009-06-23T21:36:00.000-04:00

Last night, Luke set up an appointment for us to look at the house again. I liked it even more this time. I think the first time I was trying to not get attached so I couldn't get too excited.

Here's the grand tour as you walk through the house:

When you first walk in the door, there's a small foyer (or whatever it's called) with a wall closet and this 1/2 bathroom.

Then, you walk into the living room - which doesn't look like much right now. But, I adore (not even an exaggeration) the built-in bookshelf!!! I was going to ask Shawn to do one for me, but it came with one. One less thing we have to do!

Then, you hit the dining room and kitchen. The bar where Shawn is standing is going to be the first thing to go - along with the apple border and gingham curtains (ew). Eventually, we'll get new appliances but for now they'll do. It's a tiny kitchen, but with the bar fixed that will open it up a bit. There's also a pantry - which will be great! The dining room is a pretty good size. And, there's a relatively new deck right off of it... which leads down to our tiny back yard and shed...

Now for the upstairs...

This is the Master Bedroom. Again, it's not huge, but it has this...

A walk-in closet (all mine - hehe!) and dressing table!

Both are right outside the bathroom (which you can get to through our room as well as from the hallway)...

Minus that shower curtain, the bathroom is great! It's all new so nothing will have to be done. I will have to change the colors I was planning on for the bathroom, but I actually like this better! Again, one less thing :)

The second bedroom. We're going to use it as an office til we have a baby (yea, I said it) and then eventually divide it into 2 bedrooms. For now, though, it will be a good-sized office with lots of books (because I don't think all of ours combined will fit) / guest bedroom when nieces and nephews come to stay (which, hopefully, they will). There's also an attic in this bedroom. Grant was brave enough to be the first one up in the attic - which is actually pretty big.

Lastly, the (finished) basement...

with a walk-out patio. To say I am excited about having a patio and a deck is an understatement. I have big plans for using them ;)

CAT HOLE! No lie, there was definitely a cat being kept in that closet. However, when we returned yesterday, someone had cleaned it and the smell from the previous time was gone (one less thing! It's the little things, people). Chris and Shawn came up with a game to play using the door hole, though it's probably better if you don't ask - lol!

The basement also has a 1/2 bath and a storage room (hooray for storage!).

There you have it! Our house! Yay!!!! It's not huge, but it's the perfect size for us and will work for awhile. The area is nice and we're near Wal-Mart, Super Target (or whatever it's known as), Kohls, Gabriel Brothers, and Kitchen Collection. I think Shawn's heart skipped a beat when he realized what stores we'd be near - hehe! The neighborhood seems great - we saw a bunch of people out yesterday.

I've begun to not care about the wedding anymore. Now, I'm just ready to start getting the house ready. Luckily, it needs no real work with the neutral paint, etc. - just cosmetic stuff which won't even take that long to do (I don't think).

Also, if you, or if you know of anyone, is getting rid of or selling furniture - please let us know! We'll take it!

Recap of Today's Service

2009-06-21T19:41:00.000-04:00

This morning in church we were blessed with opportunity to hear the guys talk about their trip to Mexico. It was great to hear their stories, worship with them, and share some (ok, many - for my part) tears.

Bill shared part of Psalm 139 with us. It was kind of the "theme chapter" for the weeks leading up to and during the trip.

"O, Lord, You have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down and are aquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from Your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, You are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, You are there!

If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me." (ESV)

Isn't that just the most amazing thing?!? God really does know everything about me - it's a pretty hard concept for me to grasp.

We sang "This is My Father's World" before the guys even spoke and it tied in so well with all of their stories. Here is my favorite verse...

"This is my Father's world

Oh, let me never forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong

God is the Ruler yet

This is my Father's world

Why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King, let the heavens ring

GOD REIGNS, LET THE EARTH BE GLAD!"

Amazing, amazing, AMAZING! Love it! I really don't have many words to say - I just know this song and that chapter hit me this morning like never before.

I'd talk more about the guys' stories from Mexico, but I know I wouldn't do them justice. You'll have to ask them yourselves if you haven't heard them.

Introducing...

2009-06-20T17:53:00.000-04:00

Our new house (it's a townhouse)!

We put in an offer this morning and found out it had been accepted about an hour later. I almost can't believe it! It's in Abingdon, so pretty much around where we were hoping to find something. Shawn, Luke, and I went to look for something on Wednesday and we both fell in love with this one. Hopefully I will have more pictures soon. I asked Shawn to take pictures, but this is as much as he got. Next time, I'll be the one to make sure we have some - hehe! And, you know I will give you a "walking tour."

This is Something I Really Need to Work On

2009-06-19T09:27:00.000-04:00

Did You Hear the Latest Scoop on Her?

by Lysa TerKeurst

"And this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight." Philippians 1:9 (NIV)

When we hear of another person's struggle is our first desire to more closely examine ourselves or more closely scrutinize this other person? It's a question worth considering. It's a question worth holding up to Biblical truth.

Over the past couple of days I've received three e-mails about an acquaintance of mine that is on the cover of many tabloid magazines right now. This devotion is not meant in any way to defend, offend, discuss, rehash, or remark about this woman I care about. This devotion is about you and me.

And those three e-mails.

The first e-mail I received used such hateful remarks it hurt my head to read it. Seriously, I could have skipped my run for that day because reading that e-mail set my heart racing as much as a good cardio workout. It was dripping with judgment, condemnation, and venomous words like "shameful" and "hate."

The second e-mail I received was a "Christian" call to action. It was strong and slightly demanding that I do something harsh about this situation. You know, rain down a little hell fire and brimstone in an effort to correct the actions of this woman in question. All in "love"' of course.

The third e-mail was completely different. It still expressed concern, and rightly so. However, in complete humility she said she's using this situation as a call to pray for this woman's life, and as a call to action to examine her own.

She said as she watched this woman being featured on TV, she saw things that bothered her. So, she asked herself some very tough questions about her own life - her own marriage - her own attitude about the importance she places on God. And she found herself falling short. With great honesty and courage, she set aside her judgments of another, and got down on her knees.

If I could have jumped through cyber-space, I would have thrown my arms around the author of the third e-mail and hugged her.

Sisters, I do believe with all my heart that there is a place for Christian accountability. I believe it is biblical and necessary. However, making judgmental remarks, rolling our eyes, belittling someone we don't personally know or do life with in the real world, and sending hateful e-mails is neither biblical or necessary.

It's sin.

It's totally missing the mark of what God has called His girls to be and to do.

If the actions and attitudes of another person hurt our heart and rub our soul the wrong way – be it a neighbor or a woman on the cover of a tabloid – I pray we handle it with the grace and dignity Jesus enables us to have. "And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment" (Phil. 1:9).

And may we always remember the person in question is loved by God. He may not love their actions and He most certainly doesn't love anyone's sin, but the person, He loves.

They are loved.

She is loved.

We are loved.

Totally and immensely, unfathomably and remarkably, beautifully and abundantly loved.

Dear Lord, before I start picking at the splinters that are so easy to spot in other's eyes, may I have the humility to examine the plank I don't want to see in my own eye. Search me Lord, see if there is any wicked way within me and reveal it. Give me wisdom to know what to do about my own sin, a filter of grace by which to see others' sins, and a heart restrained from rash reactions because of Your love in me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Fearless Tour 2009: Taylor Swift, Kellie Pickler, & Gloriana

2009-06-18T11:24:00.001-04:00

Around 2 pm last Thursday, Caleb, Anna, and I set out for Merriweather Post Pavillion.

We were meeting Emily, Sarah, Mike, Ian, & Diana there to see Taylor Swift (one of our favorites)!

I am not kidding when I say I had been anticipating this concert since January or February when I found out she was coming to Maryland. I got tickets as soon as they went to presale (ok, I was 9 hours too late to get pavillion seats, but that's not my fault - I was away). That's how much I was looking forward to seeing her.

It didn't even matter that I had to wait 2 hours outside the gate before they even opened and then another 1 1/2 for the concert to start.

It didn't matter that we basically sat in a giant mud pit. That was disgusting! Poor Anna slipped and fell almost as soon as we sat on the grass. However, once you got used to it (and pretended there was no putrid smell and that mud was covering your butt and feet) - it wasn't so bad.

We sat through Gloriana (they were just "ok", in my opinion - they could get better) ...

and Kellie Pickler (which I didn't mind, because I love her as well, and I wish she'd sang longer).

Then, it was time for Taylor Swift!!!

So much excitement!

Let me tell you - the wait was soooo worth it! It was everything I'd been hoping for and hearing it would be. She puts on an AmAzInG show! Taylor sang for 2 1/2 hours - singing every song she's put on her cds except for maybe 6 of them. At one point, she came onto a platform over the lawn seats (where we were sitting). So close! We could have gone closer, but didn't want to move because of the mud. That would not have been good!

"When you think Tim McGraw, I hope you think my favorite song..."

After 10 minutes of a standing ovation (seriously, she even cried), she came out to sing "Love Story" (one of my favorites!).

At the end of the song, she took off the red dress and had a wedding dress underneath.

If I remember correctly, her very last song was "Should've Said 'No'." And, honestly, it was the best song of the evening. Which was perfect as it was part of the encore. Take a peek:

And the rain came down

It was one of the best and most exciting nights of my life (is that good or lame? I'm not sure) and definitely the best concert I've ever seen (and I've been to quite a few). She is (or, at least, seems to be) very humble and down-to-earth. The stories she told were very relatable and she easily connected with the crowd. By the end of the evening, you really felt like you were one of her friends and like you knew her. So, all-in-all, it was a great and fun evening. I think we all loved it! I'd see her again in a second.

Gravy-Smothered Cajun-Style Meatloaf Patties with Maple Pecan-Glazed String Beans

2009-06-15T17:12:00.000-04:00

1 lb. ground sirloin

1/3 lb. ground pork (I didn't use this - I just used 1 1/3 lb. ground sirloin)

1/4 c. plain bread crumbs

1/8 c. milk

1 egg, lightly beaten

Salt & freshly ground black pepper

3 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce

1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg

1 rounded tbsp. tomato paste

1 green bell pepper, cored, seeded, & finely chopped

1 large garlic clove, finely chopped

5 scallions, white & green parts, thinly sliced (I only used 2, because it was getting too onion-y)

2 tbsp. vegetable oil

1/2 c. pecan halves, chopped

1 3/4 c. chicken stock or broth

1 1/2 lb. green beans, stem ends removed

4 tbsp. unsalted butter

1/4 c. maple syrup

1 small onion, finely chopped (I only used half of the onion)

1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes

2 tbsp. flour

1/4 c. heavy cream

1/4 c. fresh parsley, chopped

* Place the meat in a large mixing bowl and create a well in the center of the meat. Fill the well with the bread crumbs and dampen them with the milk. Pour the egg over the bread crumbs and then add salt, pepper, Worecestershire sauce, nutmeg, tomato paste, green peppers, garlic, and scallions.

Mix together and form into 4 large oval patties, 3/4 inch thick. Preheat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat with the vegetable oil. Fry the meatloaf patties for 7 minutes on each side.

* Preheat another large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chopped pecans and toast them, stirring frequently, for about 3 minutes. Remove the toasted pecans from the pan and reserve.

Return the skillet to the heat and add 3/4 cup of the chicken stock; bring it up to a simmer. Add the trimmed string beans and spread out in an even layer. Cook the beans for about 3 minutes, or until almost tender.

Add 2 tablespoons of the butter, the maple syrup, salt, and pepper to the skillet with the beans, turn the heat up to high, and cook until the liquid has evaporated and the beans are shiny and glazed, 2 to 3 minutes. Toss with the pecans.

* Remove the meatloaf patties to a platter, tent with foil, and return the pan to the heat. Reduce the heat to medium and add the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter, the onions, and the red pepper flakes. Cook for about 2 minutes and then sprinkle the onions with the flour. Cook the flour for 1 minute and then whisk in the remanining cup of chicken stock and the heavy cream. Bring the gravy to a bubble. If the gravy is too thick, thin with additional stock. Taste and season with salt and pepper. Stir in the parsley and remove the gravy from the heat.

* Slice the meatloaf patties and smother with the gravy. Serve with a pile of maple pecan-glazed string beans.

* 4 Servings *

This recipe did turn out very well. The patties are huge, though they do shrink a bit when you cook them. It really only took half an hour to cook (maybe 40 minutes), so I was happy about that. They could have been a little spicier, but that's just me. The meal is a little heavy for end of spring / beginning of summer, but the recipe sounded so good I just had to try it. If you don't make the meatloaf - definitely make the green beans. Amazing!

My Latest Read...

2009-06-12T09:44:00.000-04:00

... is Every Woman's Marriage: Igniting the Joy and Passion You Both Desire by Shannon & Greg Ethridge. I'm a little over halfway through (had a really busy 2 weeks) and I really like it. It's a pretty easy read. I'm not sure they discuss anything "groundbreaking," but there is a lot of good in it. I do wish they pointed more to God, but I don't believe that is a necessity for every single book you read. Do you get what I mean? I hope that didn't come out the wrong way...

I'll just start off with one of the first things that struck me. And, maybe all of you married women can help me out with this one.

"Men need to feel like heroes to their wives. They not only want their wives to meet their sexual needs, but they also want them to meet their emotional needs for love, respect, appreciation, and admiration. When those needs don't get met, a husband's heart will grow cold toward his wife... As much as we long to have our husbands understand and meet our innermost needs, we have to learn to give that which we desire to receive."

Ok, so here's my "thing." I get how to love, respect, appreciate, and admire. I know how to do all of those things. Do I do them all the time? I'm 100% sure the answer is a resounding "no." I know there are times he doesn't feel like I give him all of that - and we're not even married yet. I'm working on it, and I honestly think I've made a lot of progress. Though, I guess you would have to ask him to be sure.

What I don't get is the "hero" part... I know what it means, etc. That doesn't need to be explained. I'm just not sure how to do it. How do you make your husbands feel like they are your heroes? Obviously, I know all men are different...

Today's Update from Mexico Gets Its Own Post

2009-06-10T22:06:00.000-04:00

Many, MANY updates from Mexico today! Yay!

Some of the guys/men were able to get onto Facebook today (not sure why calling is so much harder, lol). Pastor Dave said, "Enjoying the Tarahumara and being in Mexico with the guys from church and Chad Rizzuto! God is so good. Copper Canyon is beautiful and the Tarahumara are a beautiful people." Andy Hughes said, "Alive in Mexico sittin looking at the Copper Canyon playing on WiFi that I found. Yeehaw."

Mel heard from Dave who still has a cold. Miss Anna heard from Thomas. And, Miss Donna heard from Andy. Manda heard from Zach. I'm sure most everyone else heard from their guy there, as well.

The guys are still in Arepo. Yesterday and today they were painting the rooms in the base house (again, where they were 2 years ago). They also put up a telephone pole. After they finished working today, they were planning on going Divisidero to do some sightseeing. Check out this site! Within the next few days, you should be able to see some of the work the guys have been doing in Mexico.

Unfortunately, there has been a big change in plans for their return trip home on Saturday. Mr. Blake was supposed to be able to drive the guys home from the airport (BWI), but now he is unable to do so. Hopefully, we'll be able to get enough people to drive.

Guess what?!? I talked to Shawn!!! I was so excited. He said everything is "awesome." He said worship this morning (on the side of the Canyon) was amazing. And, he was very excited to be going to visit a village. Last time, they were unable to do that as Chad wasn't sure how the Tarahumarans would take it. As I said before, the Tarahumarans are very wary of white people and outsiders. Chad didn't want them to feel as if he was bringing a group in to stare at them and gawk. It was so great to finally hear his voice. He sounds as if he's having an amazing time.

Update:
~ Friday, June 12th - Guys are coming home tomorrow! Yay! I was supposed to babysit (which I'd completely forgotten about), but I was able to get off. Now, I am driving down to the airport to pick him up. Not sure I'm riding by myself or with someone. I don't enjoy driving to BWI - I've only done it twice in all the time I've been driving, so it worries me. We'll see... Should be able to talk to Shawn tonight or later today. They're arriving in El Paso at some point. Pray for a safe trip home!